Last Friday I was so glad school was out for Thanksgiving break. I was already packed up all of my things and dashed out of the school gates by 3pm. I felt like a jailbird who just got out of prison.
One of the things that I badly needed to do was get my car washed, so I went to Valero's car wash (it's the gas station off the corner of Sepulveda and Avalon after work). I have never taken the new car in to get it washed since I got it back in September. The lady working in the gas station was super nice, I had a pretty nice conversation with her and she even wished me a good thanksgiving. We were complete strangers, but she and I spoke as if we were long time neighbors.
The car wash service wasn't the only thing I bought. My pregnancy cravings called for gas station munchies--Flaming Hot Cheetos with Limon, Planters Honey Roasted Cashews and Minute Maid Cranberry Apple Juice. I know, it sounds like a weird combo of snacks but it's what the growing baby wanted at the moment at the gas station. Funny thing was that I also had the sudden urge to buy $5 worth of Super Lotto Quick pick. I can count on my fingers just how many times I've tried to be "in it to win it". This was a rare moment for me.
The crazy thing is that I had a strong gut instinct feeling that I will win something...and I did! I won $11 by hitting three lotto numbers. I missed out on $8 million, but I had no regrets. All in all, I won a net worth of $6 this past weekend. I guess I can count my winnings by considering that I got a free carwash out of Valero.
Question: Have you ever experienced winning something?
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Thanksgiving Week
I'm really enjoying my Thanksgiving furlough. Sure, the paycheck this month has been drastically reduced, but the time I have been spending with my family is priceless. Priceless.
As I fold Maddy's laundry, I can't help but notice even more that Maddy is growing up too fast. Just an anecdotal record about Maddy.
As I fold Maddy's laundry, I can't help but notice even more that Maddy is growing up too fast. Just an anecdotal record about Maddy.
- Maddy just turned 10 months old.
- She can't keep still and quiet for longer than 1 minute and 13 seconds. It's really hard to bring her to places where you have to sit quietly for a long time. We haven't brought her to our church because we don't enjoy seeing an overly rambunctious Maddy disturbing the adult worship program. She's too small to sit in the adult worship, and too little to be with the elementary school aged kids in Junior Worship. Unfortunately our church doesn't have enough of a baby population yet to re-start a nursery. It makes me really sad that our church lacks this because we miss seeing all of our church family.
- We also don't eat out at restaurants very much anymore, unless it's kid friendly and the waitress doesn't mind the mess. Last time we ate at Cheesecake Factory in Brea, Maddy left a scattering of bannana puffs cereal on the floor. I'm pretty sure the waiters felt crunchy things under their shoes. We leave the waiters and waitresses a nice tip because we feel sorry for them.
- I had to throw all of her 9m clothes into the XXL Ziplock bag because she has already outgrown them all. She's ready to wear 18m clothes! WHOA!
- Maddy is now standing and cruising around the house...and she never gets tired!
- She babbles all day long with "ma-ma-ma" and "da-da-da". She also does consonant blends like "brrrrr". Maddy shouts at the top of her lungs. This girl has LUNGS! There have been moments when she has shouted into my ear and it left a ringing noise in my ear. Thanks a lot, Maddy!
- What I love the most is that she points to what she wants and knows how to clap her hands. She gets angry when we teach her "Close Open" with her hands. Maddy doesn't want you to make her do things she doesn't want to do.
- She is studying the Laws of Gravity. Maddy loves to drop things from her high chair, her exersaucer, the crib and hear the sounds of different objects crash. She thinks it's funny when we pick things up that she has dropped on the floor.
- It's hard to change her diaper. I have to give her something to shake or rattle while in the middle of the diaper change, otherwise she will want to sit up or crawl away with her bottom exposed.
- Because of Chewie the dog at her Lolo and Lola's house, Maddy thinks that every dog to her is Chewie.
- Maddy still has no teeth, but she loves to eat everything.
- Eczema is hardly even noticeable anymore, even in this dry winter season.
- She is terrified of the vaccuum cleaner.
- Maddy is still my carpool buddy. She only is 4lbs away from outgrowing the infant carseat carrier.
- She loves YouTube. My mom always plays Nora Aunor's tagalog folk songs, some Beyonce and Elmo's World.
- Maddy still enjoys Baby Signing Time and Sesame Street.
- I have yet to experience Maddy have a fever or a terrible flu. Erwil and I still keep opting not to let her have any flu shots. This girl stays really healthy, even when she's playing around other sick kids. Looking back, I didn't take any flu shots either while I was pregnant with Maddy. She has the immune system of a cockroach, just like her mommy.
- Even though Maddy doesn't talk, she understands little bits and pieces of cartoons. I was watching YoGabbaGabba with her and she laughed at a funny scene. I hit the rewind button to see if she would laugh again, and she did it again! Maddy is beginning to comprehend what's funny to her.
- Maddy always laughs at Chewie (the dog).
- We need to take her to meet Santa Claus. Hope she doesn't cry!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Kicking Off the Holiday Season
I realized that since I've been so focused on trying to prepare my students for back-to-back district exams, parent conferences and report cards I lost track of time. My students haven't done anything creative for Thanksgiving. They're just 9 years old, but they're expected to perform as if they were all college students! I'm feeling burned out as well. I'm tired of being the grouchy drill sergeant day after day.
After I turned in my LAST two sets of assessments into my grade level chair, I'm pulling the plug on pressuring these students and let them just be kids. It's time to make the classroom a place for kids to let their creativity shine. We are going to enjoy the last day before Thanksgiving break by doing lots of arts and crafts. I don't care if it's not related to CST's! I feel that we all worked hard enough and we need a special treat! I'm fortunate enough to have a great group of students who were able to persevere with me through this month.
Can't wait for Friday! Whoohoo!
After I turned in my LAST two sets of assessments into my grade level chair, I'm pulling the plug on pressuring these students and let them just be kids. It's time to make the classroom a place for kids to let their creativity shine. We are going to enjoy the last day before Thanksgiving break by doing lots of arts and crafts. I don't care if it's not related to CST's! I feel that we all worked hard enough and we need a special treat! I'm fortunate enough to have a great group of students who were able to persevere with me through this month.
Can't wait for Friday! Whoohoo!
The Countdown Has Started...
Dear Maddy,
You will be called Ate Maddy in 31 weeks! You're going to be a big sister!
Love and kisses,
Mom and Dad
Our family is growing! The countdown has started. Maddy will be an Ate (older sister) this coming June 2011. We couldn't be happier for the newest baby. Lots of parenting thoughts race through my mind just imagining how close the age gap between the two will be--18 months apart! Erwil and I will be even busier parents. We have to get ourselves reorganized and readjusted again just after finishing off with settling into a pattern with Maddy.
I must be the first one to admit that Erwil and I are just not good at waiting things out too long. Just look at how we blitzed through dating, engagement, marriage and having Maddy. We blazed through such huge life-changing milestones within the course of 2 years. You think we'd wait around and let time lapse around the best opportunities? That's almost highly unlikely for a happily married couple like us. God is masterful at orchestrating how such blessings arrives to us. Through it all, this 2nd pregnancy is teaching me a huge lesson that there's really no time or reason to waste away my short earthly lived life in doubt and worry.
It's not exactly a huge secret that I'm pregnant again. We wanted Maddy to have a sibling soon, but we just weren't exactly sure about when that would happen. I just remember being so concerned that I burned through all of my sick leave time this year when I had Maddy. While Erwil and I had a family planning conversation, I half-jokingly-and-half-truthfully told him that the ideal time to have another baby would be exactly at the end of the school year so that I can stay home with the baby the entire summer, and not have to be so concerned about leaving my 4th grade students mid-year. Lo and behold, I had gotten my wish! I am experiencing the perfectly timed "Teacher's Pregnancy." The baby's expected due date falls on June 25, 2011. Should I start bragging that my ovaries have such awesome timing in releasing egg cells? No, I swear we didn't do this on purpose! It just happened that way. Praise God for His perfect timing!
Everything about me health-wise is going smoothly. I just had my first ultrasound and listened to the baby's 8 week old heartbeat on November 10th. Wow! I was speechless while watching the monitor. Erwil sat there too, holding my hand throughout the event. I guess we're just so thankful that the baby's heartbeat is so strong and everything is checking out well as far as health. I still have to go in next week to get a prenatal blood test to rule out any severe genetic diseases. Hoping that will also go well, since the baby is still in the delicate 1st trimester stage of growth.
So many changes have started happening just in our household alone. Erwil packed up most of his action figures to make room for Maddy's new bedroom, which was our old office. I swear the days he took time carefully packing his GI Joe, Star Wars and Macross robots reminded me of the scene in Toy Story 3, when Andy had to decide what will be sent to the attic and what goes with him to college. Funny how our nesting phase begins much earlier this second time around because we are both so busy and tired from work. Erwil and I both know that we won't be able to take too much time off from our jobs, so we're using weekends and holiday breaks just to reorganize all baby stuff and clean up around the house. More importantly we do want to spend this remainder of time for Maddy, enjoy her as much as possible. Time does go by so fast!
Maddy is doing fine. She will be transitioning into her new bedroom just as soon as we get rid of our old office furniture and find a crib for her. She is too little for a toddler bed. My mind still can't wrap itself around the idea that there will be 2 baby cribs in the house! I think it's just denial that we will be twice as busy. The big consolation is that Maddy has such an easy-natured personality from the day she was born and still even up to now. I can't believe how a tiny soul can be so chill and always smiling about the world and the people around her. We're fortunate to experience having Maddy as our first child. Maddy has no idea or concept of what it is to be an older sibling yet, but we do know that she is happy being around other babies just watching her interact with her cousins. Hopefully, this doesn't change.
The new baby will inherit Maddy's nursery and everything else. We still have no idea if this one is a girl or boy, but thank goodness I chose lots of gender-neutral stuff that can be re-used again and again. Each time I pack away Maddy's tiny clothes into the storage containers, my heart goes, "Awwww!" The question is, will this be worn again? I can't help but wonder. Part of our whole entire family's excitement is guessing if this baby will be a girl or a boy. My intuition was strong enough to know that Maddy was a girl even way before the ultrasound confirmation. I wonder if I my Spider Senses will be right again the 2nd time around? Athough I feel the occasional flutters in my stomach much earlier now than what it was before with my first pregnancy, I have absolutely no idea who this person is growing inside my belly. We shall bond and see.
Erwil and I figure we'd just keep the two babies separated at first, being that Maddy is already set in her sleeping, playing and feeding routines and we have to implement new ones for the littlest one. I just keep hearing from many parents who had children back-to-back that it's nice seeing children grow up very close. I also hear how busy and hard it is at times to juggle around two little ones, but it gets better as they both get older. I sure hope so!
You will be called Ate Maddy in 31 weeks! You're going to be a big sister!
Love and kisses,
Mom and Dad
Our family is growing! The countdown has started. Maddy will be an Ate (older sister) this coming June 2011. We couldn't be happier for the newest baby. Lots of parenting thoughts race through my mind just imagining how close the age gap between the two will be--18 months apart! Erwil and I will be even busier parents. We have to get ourselves reorganized and readjusted again just after finishing off with settling into a pattern with Maddy.
I must be the first one to admit that Erwil and I are just not good at waiting things out too long. Just look at how we blitzed through dating, engagement, marriage and having Maddy. We blazed through such huge life-changing milestones within the course of 2 years. You think we'd wait around and let time lapse around the best opportunities? That's almost highly unlikely for a happily married couple like us. God is masterful at orchestrating how such blessings arrives to us. Through it all, this 2nd pregnancy is teaching me a huge lesson that there's really no time or reason to waste away my short earthly lived life in doubt and worry.
It's not exactly a huge secret that I'm pregnant again. We wanted Maddy to have a sibling soon, but we just weren't exactly sure about when that would happen. I just remember being so concerned that I burned through all of my sick leave time this year when I had Maddy. While Erwil and I had a family planning conversation, I half-jokingly-and-half-truthfully told him that the ideal time to have another baby would be exactly at the end of the school year so that I can stay home with the baby the entire summer, and not have to be so concerned about leaving my 4th grade students mid-year. Lo and behold, I had gotten my wish! I am experiencing the perfectly timed "Teacher's Pregnancy." The baby's expected due date falls on June 25, 2011. Should I start bragging that my ovaries have such awesome timing in releasing egg cells? No, I swear we didn't do this on purpose! It just happened that way. Praise God for His perfect timing!
Everything about me health-wise is going smoothly. I just had my first ultrasound and listened to the baby's 8 week old heartbeat on November 10th. Wow! I was speechless while watching the monitor. Erwil sat there too, holding my hand throughout the event. I guess we're just so thankful that the baby's heartbeat is so strong and everything is checking out well as far as health. I still have to go in next week to get a prenatal blood test to rule out any severe genetic diseases. Hoping that will also go well, since the baby is still in the delicate 1st trimester stage of growth.
So many changes have started happening just in our household alone. Erwil packed up most of his action figures to make room for Maddy's new bedroom, which was our old office. I swear the days he took time carefully packing his GI Joe, Star Wars and Macross robots reminded me of the scene in Toy Story 3, when Andy had to decide what will be sent to the attic and what goes with him to college. Funny how our nesting phase begins much earlier this second time around because we are both so busy and tired from work. Erwil and I both know that we won't be able to take too much time off from our jobs, so we're using weekends and holiday breaks just to reorganize all baby stuff and clean up around the house. More importantly we do want to spend this remainder of time for Maddy, enjoy her as much as possible. Time does go by so fast!
Maddy is doing fine. She will be transitioning into her new bedroom just as soon as we get rid of our old office furniture and find a crib for her. She is too little for a toddler bed. My mind still can't wrap itself around the idea that there will be 2 baby cribs in the house! I think it's just denial that we will be twice as busy. The big consolation is that Maddy has such an easy-natured personality from the day she was born and still even up to now. I can't believe how a tiny soul can be so chill and always smiling about the world and the people around her. We're fortunate to experience having Maddy as our first child. Maddy has no idea or concept of what it is to be an older sibling yet, but we do know that she is happy being around other babies just watching her interact with her cousins. Hopefully, this doesn't change.
The new baby will inherit Maddy's nursery and everything else. We still have no idea if this one is a girl or boy, but thank goodness I chose lots of gender-neutral stuff that can be re-used again and again. Each time I pack away Maddy's tiny clothes into the storage containers, my heart goes, "Awwww!" The question is, will this be worn again? I can't help but wonder. Part of our whole entire family's excitement is guessing if this baby will be a girl or a boy. My intuition was strong enough to know that Maddy was a girl even way before the ultrasound confirmation. I wonder if I my Spider Senses will be right again the 2nd time around? Athough I feel the occasional flutters in my stomach much earlier now than what it was before with my first pregnancy, I have absolutely no idea who this person is growing inside my belly. We shall bond and see.
Erwil and I figure we'd just keep the two babies separated at first, being that Maddy is already set in her sleeping, playing and feeding routines and we have to implement new ones for the littlest one. I just keep hearing from many parents who had children back-to-back that it's nice seeing children grow up very close. I also hear how busy and hard it is at times to juggle around two little ones, but it gets better as they both get older. I sure hope so!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Stepping Back for Family Time
I wish there was more than 24 hours in a day. Maddy is growing up too fast and most of the time I miss out because I'm either working or doing other extracurricular things that I don't necessarily think people appreciate anyway or simply take for granted.
I feel like I am missing out eyewitness accounts of Maddy's milestones. For example, it was only just last night when I saw Maddy clapping her hands for the first time. What I didn't know is that she's been clapping her hands for the past couple of days! How could that milestone slip by me? How can I be such an oblivious mom?
Erwil and I really like having our family time, but it's not always possible since we both work during the day. We come home tired, only to do the same old evening routine again. You would think that having a weekend would take care of it, but that time isn't enough either. Our weekends are hardly "free". It seems like the Friday, Saturday and Sunday simply melts and evaporates away like ice that fell on hot asphalt. One thing I really hate is "over-programming" my weekends. I make plans with people or make plans for meetings, sacrificing time away from my own family. This needs to stop.
Time is always running by me. I am learning that there is no art to making up for lost time when you're raising a child. I have to really step back and be a mom first, just for Maddy's sake.
I feel like I am missing out eyewitness accounts of Maddy's milestones. For example, it was only just last night when I saw Maddy clapping her hands for the first time. What I didn't know is that she's been clapping her hands for the past couple of days! How could that milestone slip by me? How can I be such an oblivious mom?
Erwil and I really like having our family time, but it's not always possible since we both work during the day. We come home tired, only to do the same old evening routine again. You would think that having a weekend would take care of it, but that time isn't enough either. Our weekends are hardly "free". It seems like the Friday, Saturday and Sunday simply melts and evaporates away like ice that fell on hot asphalt. One thing I really hate is "over-programming" my weekends. I make plans with people or make plans for meetings, sacrificing time away from my own family. This needs to stop.
Time is always running by me. I am learning that there is no art to making up for lost time when you're raising a child. I have to really step back and be a mom first, just for Maddy's sake.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Baby Workout
It was just last weekend when the whole family (including Lolo & Lola, Ninong Noel, Elmer, Ninang Karen, Jeffrey and Christine) spent a weekend in San Diego. We took Maddy to Sea World and Carlsbad Outlets and we loved the short trip. It was a much needed getaway! Maddy is such a good traveler! It wasn't hard for us to keep her in the car for 2 hours and she was able to sleep well during our travel.
As far as milestones, Maddy is 9 months. NINE! She's crawling on her hands and knees instead of her belly. Maddy can sit up without being supported. She loves standing, spinning around and jumping in her exersaucer. Shes always tries to pull herself up either to stand or to climb so we took her crib mattress down to the lowest level. She hasn't started teething yet. I keep checking her gums to see if teeth are coming in, but I don't see anything different.
It's such a fun, playful stage of Maddy's childhood. She doesn't really like her own toys. I've tried to give her a toy cell phone, Leapfrog laptop, and other toys. Maddy would rather play with my cell phone, the TV remote control, water bottles, empty boxes, empty food storage containers and pull folded clothes out of the laundry basket.
Erwil and I are so tired. Now that Maddy's constantly moving, we always have to keep a watchful eye on her wherever she goes and make sure that she doesn't pick up and swallow things that could choke her. We started baby proofing the house, but now it's time to step it up!
As far as milestones, Maddy is 9 months. NINE! She's crawling on her hands and knees instead of her belly. Maddy can sit up without being supported. She loves standing, spinning around and jumping in her exersaucer. Shes always tries to pull herself up either to stand or to climb so we took her crib mattress down to the lowest level. She hasn't started teething yet. I keep checking her gums to see if teeth are coming in, but I don't see anything different.
It's such a fun, playful stage of Maddy's childhood. She doesn't really like her own toys. I've tried to give her a toy cell phone, Leapfrog laptop, and other toys. Maddy would rather play with my cell phone, the TV remote control, water bottles, empty boxes, empty food storage containers and pull folded clothes out of the laundry basket.
Erwil and I are so tired. Now that Maddy's constantly moving, we always have to keep a watchful eye on her wherever she goes and make sure that she doesn't pick up and swallow things that could choke her. We started baby proofing the house, but now it's time to step it up!
Friday, October 15, 2010
4 More Needed
Today is Norm Day for LAUSD. This is the day when all schools have to report their official enrollment count to the district and balance the ratio of students per teacher. I believe my job is safe, now that we came to the exact number of enrolled students to keep me at Catskill. I won't be displaced. Since I went back to work, it had been such a stressful month for me to figure out whether or not I was going to stay at Catskill or move to another school.
As of Monday, the principal told me that we still needed 4 students to keep me on staff. My heart felt like sinking, but I then snapped out of it. I realize that God has a plan, so I should just be open for whatever was meant to be. What I think is a miracle was that a family from the Pampanga, Philippines arrived just last Sunday and enrolled their 2 daughters on Wednesday. Then on Thursday, another family just moved to Carson and they had 2 more children who were enrolled. We lacked 4, but now we satisfy all the enrollment number requirements. Whew, it was so close! Can you call that coincidence, or a real blessing from God? I'm rejoicing for another answered prayer!
As of Monday, the principal told me that we still needed 4 students to keep me on staff. My heart felt like sinking, but I then snapped out of it. I realize that God has a plan, so I should just be open for whatever was meant to be. What I think is a miracle was that a family from the Pampanga, Philippines arrived just last Sunday and enrolled their 2 daughters on Wednesday. Then on Thursday, another family just moved to Carson and they had 2 more children who were enrolled. We lacked 4, but now we satisfy all the enrollment number requirements. Whew, it was so close! Can you call that coincidence, or a real blessing from God? I'm rejoicing for another answered prayer!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Staying Alive
I haven't updated, but just letting you all know that we're still alive. Since I went back to work it's been really overwhelming, but I'm thankful that God is still helping our little family hold together with the little that I have. Erwil has been really patient and helpful during my time of adjustment. This is a giant reminder that I'm not the perfect mom, not the perfect wife, nor the perfect teacher. Yet despite of what I lack, somehow our family manages to get through the day. All I can say is that there are too many prayers being answered. It's beautiful to see how God love and mercy are new every morning!
Prayers answered!
It was last Saturday when Erwil and I visited a car dealership in Irvine. I was able to drive off in a brand new Toyota Venza, which Erwil refers to as a station wagon on steriods. We both hate monthly car payments so we prayed and prayed for months about when God will allow us to have another car to replace the one I had. Even though the economy has created so many incentives for car buyers to lease or finance a loan to drive a car, it can't be done in haste. Soon after the my mom's car wreck, Erwil and I thought that it was a good time to seek out internet deals on Edmunds.com. This brought us to a Power Toyota in Irvine that gave us the best offer for the amount we were willing to pay. It was super hassle free and it didn't take a long time to make the car purchase. All I can say is that I love my new car and God's so gracious to provide for our needs in more ways than one. We just thank God that He generously gave us the financial means to pay for it without any lingering debt hassles.
As of Tuesday's staff meeting, the principal announced that I am no longer going to be displaced from Catskill. At the very last minute, we had exactly 4 students enroll. This is the exact number of students to keep me where I'm at! For the past month, I had no idea whether to unpack or pack all of my classroom belongings since I didn't know where I was to go after October's Norm Day. I'm so thankful that the principal aggressively sought out students to enroll. Amazing how God provided what almost seemed impossible to fill in His perfect time.
Prayers answered!
It was last Saturday when Erwil and I visited a car dealership in Irvine. I was able to drive off in a brand new Toyota Venza, which Erwil refers to as a station wagon on steriods. We both hate monthly car payments so we prayed and prayed for months about when God will allow us to have another car to replace the one I had. Even though the economy has created so many incentives for car buyers to lease or finance a loan to drive a car, it can't be done in haste. Soon after the my mom's car wreck, Erwil and I thought that it was a good time to seek out internet deals on Edmunds.com. This brought us to a Power Toyota in Irvine that gave us the best offer for the amount we were willing to pay. It was super hassle free and it didn't take a long time to make the car purchase. All I can say is that I love my new car and God's so gracious to provide for our needs in more ways than one. We just thank God that He generously gave us the financial means to pay for it without any lingering debt hassles.
As of Tuesday's staff meeting, the principal announced that I am no longer going to be displaced from Catskill. At the very last minute, we had exactly 4 students enroll. This is the exact number of students to keep me where I'm at! For the past month, I had no idea whether to unpack or pack all of my classroom belongings since I didn't know where I was to go after October's Norm Day. I'm so thankful that the principal aggressively sought out students to enroll. Amazing how God provided what almost seemed impossible to fill in His perfect time.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
What Season Are We In?
My husband Erwil knows exactly what season we are now in--football season! Well for now it's just pre-season, but at least in our house we know what's coming up. Do you smell the scent of football season in the living room? I can. My husband loves it, being a Dallas Cowboy fan. He is the average quiet guy, but I have to warn you that he will transform into a smack-talker if engaged into a battle of football verbiage against the Cowboys.
Growing up, I never had a favorite pro football team because I didn't understand the sport. Whenever the timer reads one minute and twenty seven seconds in football minutes, why does it convert to eighteen real-world minutes? Why do the referees only speak in stiff arm sign language and constantly blow their whistles to stop and start the game? Unwilling to understand football, I tuned out the whole sport out for thirty years because I thought it was a waste of energy for my brain to consume.
It took thirty years before I learned to respect football as a legitimate sport because of my football maven husband. Erwil patiently explains why the referee makes such calls during the game and has fun predicting plays that will earn more yards for the team. Once I started to see the why's and how's, it became entertaining to watch football with Erwil. Being a student of Dallas Cowboy University, I rightfully name myself a late-bloomer fan, not a bandwagon fan as some may prejudge. I stepped into his world and learned not just to respect football but have an even deeper respect Erwil for what he knows about football. This is one more strand of the marriage cord tying us together.
I have only been married for 2 years, but even within this short period of time I know and feel that my attitude and system of beliefs have changed. The Dallas Cowboy reference is just one example of a visible result of a marriage between Erwil and I jointly share. I do honestly believe there will be even more changing that will be done, that has to be done, and can be done if I dare live up to all the heavy words that took flight during the recital of my marriage vows.
Marriage is about growing together in unity and love, as so many have quoted on deafening auto-replay while toasting to generic wedding champagne. Actually, there's nothing silent or cheap about unity and love. Jointly these principles leads me to constantly finding myself being introduced to growth opportunities that I never came close to highly appreciating before in my single life. Of course, there will be times when Erwil and I won't even come close to loving the same things. For example, Erwil hates crowded Christmas shopping at to the mall. I love to go Christmas shopping every year, so that's why Amazon.com is perfectly tailored for husbands like mine. Another example is that I only like eating my rice like my pasta--al dente style. Erwil on the otherhand makes his rice sticky and soft, to the point of Elmer's glue stick consistency which I loathe. That kind of rice should only be fed to four footed animals, in my opinion.
We have our differences. Nobody's wrong or right, just different or bizarre. I'll be honest that he may hear me complain only because I was so used to doing things my way for thirty years before I got married. It's not ever to be taken personal to the point of declaring a holy jihad. Tolerance is the cement to hold down our patchwork of differences.
More often times I find that we do develop a closer bond whenever we don't close ourselves off to each other's interests. For example, if Erwil can learn to become a Gleetard who watches 2 entire season episodes of Glee, I can learn to enjoy being carried into becoming a Dallas Cowboy fan myself. The point is that in a marriage we try to keep an open mind and be willing to share things together but also allow each other room for separate challenges as well. This explains the whole "marriage takes work" cliche, but I should add that the work is like finding a massive pot of gold under that mossy heavy boulder.
Please don't be surprised if you see us racing home right after church so that he can watch his beloved team play while sitting in our living room. It reminds me that I have to find Maddy a new jersey to match her daddy's enthusiastic Dallas Cowboy spirit. We might even deck our Christmas tree with Dallas Cowboy ornaments this Christmas. It's Erwil's turn to choose the theme this 2010 since we went for my all-out Hello Kitty themed Christmas tree last year.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Welcome to Room 29! (...But Not So Fast!)
So I took the whole week to organize my new classroom. The classroom looks great! Good for me! Then I find out a rumor that my school enrollment is down 37 students from last year. That's a whole classroom of students that have gone missing. As I spoke to the RSP teacher, who is also our UTLA representative I casually asked if the rumor was true. He immediately went to the new principal to verify the information. The news is dreary. Everything is true.
It looks like my position at Catskill is once again going to close a classroom down, and I will be displaced if the school doesn't find 37 students to enroll by the first week of October. They would have to close mine down not because I'm the one lacking students, but because my 10 years of service to students still doesn't amount to very much to save my position. Unfortunately also, our school is also looking at another clerical staff member losing their position as well, and she happens to be a wealth of resource and well trained in what to do with special education paperwork. She is awesome! I can't believe she has to leave because we didn't make our enrollment numbers.
If only I had the ability to see the future back in June when I accepted this position. Had I known that this was inevitable, I wouldn't have filed my paperwork to return back to work. I would've just taken the rest of 2010 to stay home with Maddy and took advantage of that wonderful FMLA law that enables parents up to a year of childcare leave. I would have extended my leave for another semester and I would've felt a lot better knowing that I'm raising Maddy. I would have all the rest of the this time to work with her at home--language, social, physical, spiritual and other important stuff I can apply from my child development knowledge.
I really miss working with my old principal. He was always so nice and gave me special consideration. He was really up to speed about my work situation and did everything possible to find me the best placement possible. I've seen the new principal, but she doesn't know me at all. I'm just a face amongst the crowd of Catskill staff members. The new principal hasn't even met with me yet to discuss other options. I'm still waiting for her to call me in to her office and even waiting for a note to appear in my mailbox. No word from her. I'd rather know what's really going on now, than to be jerked up and down like a yo-yo. I do not work well under this type of blindfolded suspense. I'd appreciate it more if I have some information at hand, even if it's incomplete, so that I can do something about it--at most pray it through!
I think that if I get displaced for the 2nd time, things will be a lot different. I've developed thicker skin. This time I won't walk back through the hallways, walking the "Walk of Shame" back up to my classroom. No more tears. I've done a lot of that already. This time my heart and mind is mentally and emotionally prepared for whatever changes may come my way. I already have all my teaching materials ready to be packed up in clear storage bins just in case I am needed in a different elementary school within District 8.
Honestly, I've had the hardest time getting my resume together and ask for recommendations this time around from administrators and staff who I have worked closely with for the past 10 years. Asking for recommendations will be the sign that I am gathering whatever I can to move on to the next destination and saying goodbye. It's hard to say goodbye to many of my co-workers. Some of these people I've grown attached to for the simple fact that we went through many of life's milestones together--getting our career established, getting married, getting pregnant and raising children together. It's so hard to move away from friends, but I realize that many working people in America do it all the time. At least I am really fortunate to work at such a great place for the past 10 years of my life.
My mind and body now feels even more stress knowing that once I'm "in the market", at any given time any elementary school principal who wishes to hire can request to come into my classroom to observe my teaching ability. This means that I have to maintain a level of "Open House-ness" to try to make my myself truly marketable. The Open House I'm talking about is pretty much making sure that I'm on top of my game executing lessons, classroom management, classroom environment, student achievement on exams, etc. This also means that I have to spend an hour every morning dressed like a million dollars everyday. Quite honestly my Ann Taylor money suit that I wore to every important teaching related occasion is a size 2. I don't come close to fitting that since I've grown 10 dress sizes much larger.
Doing the "Open House" observation is much more nerve-wracking than a 15 minute sit-down type of interview in a principal's office. Not that I would lie, but do you know how many bad teachers who can lie right through their interview and get hired on the spot? Whereas, if a principal were to observe a teacher in action, there is very little masquerading that can be done in a classroom. I know that I have to work at top notch level this school year. There's no room for mediocrity.
The resume I have is too lengthy according to the ancient rules of resume tradition. I feel that I have done so much at Catskill, my resume doesn't fit neatly in one page. So what? These are the times when I wished opportunities for teaching went by merit and not by seniority. Why should I truncate my resume down to 1 page? A wise principal would see that I love my job and I'm ready for the challenges of the new school year. So many teachers are out looking for jobs, but so few teaching positions are actually out there because of all the budget cuts. This makes the competition steep. I love a good competition. I love winning, but really have to brace myself for rejection because I'm not very good at accepting defeat. Even though rejection and defeat are two different things, they bring out the same kind of lumpy throat feeling when it happens to me.
The big question is do I have the energy to enter this school year with the mind-set of competitiveness? I guess I have no choice but to move forward since I'm already knee deep in this enrollment dilemma. There's no time and opportunity to turn back. I have to trudge through it.
It looks like my position at Catskill is once again going to close a classroom down, and I will be displaced if the school doesn't find 37 students to enroll by the first week of October. They would have to close mine down not because I'm the one lacking students, but because my 10 years of service to students still doesn't amount to very much to save my position. Unfortunately also, our school is also looking at another clerical staff member losing their position as well, and she happens to be a wealth of resource and well trained in what to do with special education paperwork. She is awesome! I can't believe she has to leave because we didn't make our enrollment numbers.
If only I had the ability to see the future back in June when I accepted this position. Had I known that this was inevitable, I wouldn't have filed my paperwork to return back to work. I would've just taken the rest of 2010 to stay home with Maddy and took advantage of that wonderful FMLA law that enables parents up to a year of childcare leave. I would have extended my leave for another semester and I would've felt a lot better knowing that I'm raising Maddy. I would have all the rest of the this time to work with her at home--language, social, physical, spiritual and other important stuff I can apply from my child development knowledge.
I really miss working with my old principal. He was always so nice and gave me special consideration. He was really up to speed about my work situation and did everything possible to find me the best placement possible. I've seen the new principal, but she doesn't know me at all. I'm just a face amongst the crowd of Catskill staff members. The new principal hasn't even met with me yet to discuss other options. I'm still waiting for her to call me in to her office and even waiting for a note to appear in my mailbox. No word from her. I'd rather know what's really going on now, than to be jerked up and down like a yo-yo. I do not work well under this type of blindfolded suspense. I'd appreciate it more if I have some information at hand, even if it's incomplete, so that I can do something about it--at most pray it through!
I think that if I get displaced for the 2nd time, things will be a lot different. I've developed thicker skin. This time I won't walk back through the hallways, walking the "Walk of Shame" back up to my classroom. No more tears. I've done a lot of that already. This time my heart and mind is mentally and emotionally prepared for whatever changes may come my way. I already have all my teaching materials ready to be packed up in clear storage bins just in case I am needed in a different elementary school within District 8.
Honestly, I've had the hardest time getting my resume together and ask for recommendations this time around from administrators and staff who I have worked closely with for the past 10 years. Asking for recommendations will be the sign that I am gathering whatever I can to move on to the next destination and saying goodbye. It's hard to say goodbye to many of my co-workers. Some of these people I've grown attached to for the simple fact that we went through many of life's milestones together--getting our career established, getting married, getting pregnant and raising children together. It's so hard to move away from friends, but I realize that many working people in America do it all the time. At least I am really fortunate to work at such a great place for the past 10 years of my life.
My mind and body now feels even more stress knowing that once I'm "in the market", at any given time any elementary school principal who wishes to hire can request to come into my classroom to observe my teaching ability. This means that I have to maintain a level of "Open House-ness" to try to make my myself truly marketable. The Open House I'm talking about is pretty much making sure that I'm on top of my game executing lessons, classroom management, classroom environment, student achievement on exams, etc. This also means that I have to spend an hour every morning dressed like a million dollars everyday. Quite honestly my Ann Taylor money suit that I wore to every important teaching related occasion is a size 2. I don't come close to fitting that since I've grown 10 dress sizes much larger.
Doing the "Open House" observation is much more nerve-wracking than a 15 minute sit-down type of interview in a principal's office. Not that I would lie, but do you know how many bad teachers who can lie right through their interview and get hired on the spot? Whereas, if a principal were to observe a teacher in action, there is very little masquerading that can be done in a classroom. I know that I have to work at top notch level this school year. There's no room for mediocrity.
The resume I have is too lengthy according to the ancient rules of resume tradition. I feel that I have done so much at Catskill, my resume doesn't fit neatly in one page. So what? These are the times when I wished opportunities for teaching went by merit and not by seniority. Why should I truncate my resume down to 1 page? A wise principal would see that I love my job and I'm ready for the challenges of the new school year. So many teachers are out looking for jobs, but so few teaching positions are actually out there because of all the budget cuts. This makes the competition steep. I love a good competition. I love winning, but really have to brace myself for rejection because I'm not very good at accepting defeat. Even though rejection and defeat are two different things, they bring out the same kind of lumpy throat feeling when it happens to me.
The big question is do I have the energy to enter this school year with the mind-set of competitiveness? I guess I have no choice but to move forward since I'm already knee deep in this enrollment dilemma. There's no time and opportunity to turn back. I have to trudge through it.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Back To School Blues
It has been a non-stop summer for my family. There was hardly ever a free weekend just to ourselves for relaxing during May, June, July and August. There is such a thing as having too much fun, to the point of exhaustion. There is such a thing as having an over-committed calendar of events. I think that Erwil and I are at the point where we are exhausted and we just want to have our own time--just the 3 of us.
Just when I thought we could finally settle down to relax as a family, guess what I receive in the mail? I received a "Welcome Back" letter from the new principal of my school. My heart sank and my I thought to myself, "Oh noooooo!" Although school officially begins on September 13th, the letter was a reminder for me to get my classroom ready for the new school year. I felt the "Back to School Blues" all of this past weekend as I started to feel overwhelmed just thinking about everything I need to do just to get my classroom and lesson plans ready. I'm so bummed out that I had very few moments this summer just to relax. I'm very disappointed that I took my summer for granted.
For starters, it was such a hard transition for me to wake up today before 6am, get ready for work and get the baby to the her grandma and grandpa's house. Even with all of Erwil's help this morning, departing from the house in a mad rush caused me to forget to eat breakfast and bring my water bottle. The worst part of my day was in the afternoon, leaving campus to pick up Maddy and driving back home in the upper 80 degree heat, AC air not circulating well in the car and slow traffic starting from Carson all the way to Buena Park.
Today was my first official day back to work, but this is all unpaid labor of course! I don't think students and parents know exactly to what extent of sacrificing teachers volunteer for just to make sure everything is ready for school. To come in to work 3 weeks before school officially begins reminds me once again that I didn't choose a teaching career for the money.
My classroom floor has been stripped clean and waxed over the summer. Thankfully, the tables and chairs have all been set up, so I didn't have to do any heavy lifting of desks, tables and chairs. However, I did a lot of heavy lifting of books, computer monitors, audio/visual equipment and boxes of school supplies. You want to know what really killed my strength? I felt so extremely exhausted after taking the entire day to empty out the closets and the boxes sitting on top of the closets. I couldn't stand knowing that there was so much dust sitting on top of my closets, so I swept off all the layers of black dust with a hand broom and dust pan. I deliberately had gone over the closet tops 3 times, and I still had much more dust clinging to the wood. That's how long the blanket of dust was sitting up there. I'm thinking about bringing my Dirt Devil tomorrow to get every last bit of it. At the end of dusting, my peach colored t-shirt was stained gray from the years of dust that had settled on top of the closets. The t-shirt I wore stuck to my torso, not because of static cling but because I drenched it in sweat--even with the AC fan blowing inside my classroom.
I stood on a student chair while I took down all the heavy mystery boxes from the shelves and literally dropped all the boxes down on the floor. "BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!," as every box slammed on the floor. I couldn't believe how many library books were stored on top of those shelves, plus the ones stored inside the closets. The families of silverfish bugs were disturbed and scurried out of their musty paper nests. None of the books were organized into any pattern. It will take me at least 2 days to sort through everything by genre and reading level, and then shelved into the bookcases. I think I might have to even toss out many books that look more like 1st and 2nd grade level reading material dated back in the 1960's. What right do these old, yellow-tarnished books have to be kept in a 4th grade classroom?
Finally, I covered all the bulletin boards with cloth and trimmed all the edges with colorful borders. Decorating the bulletin boards helped to make the classroom look a lot less dreary, but I still have so much more cleaning and organizing to do in the next 2 weeks. I look over to the student computers and there is a just a black and blue pile of cables tangled like spaghetti noodles on a platter. It just annoys me to see computer cables tangled that way when there is an unopened bag of 200 rubber bands inside the teacher's desk drawer just waiting their whole entire existence to be used. I just left the computer station as WIP (Work In Progress). Setting up the computers, making sure the printer has ink and is installed correctly, and hooking it onto the Catskill network is left for another day's to do list. I refuse to deal with that mess today. Lights shut off, classroom door slams.
I arrive at the grandparents house. "Did you eat yet? Why don't you eat? What time did you have lunch? You should eat. I made pancit today and you should have some of it," my mother in law greets me at the door. My will succumbs to surrendering to their invitation to eat because I have to be polite to accept their offer in exchange for the free daycare service provided to Maddy.
Even though I had a really late fast food lunch and I am trying to hurry home before drunken exhaustion makes me incapable of driving back home safely, I am engaged into a chatty conversation with my in-laws over a plate of home cooked pancit (Filipino stir fry noodles, similar to Chinese chow mein) and a can of caffeine free Coke. "Out of all the days, why does the Coke served to me have to be caffeine free?," I lamented to myself. As soon as I finished my tiny portion, I hear "You only ate that? Why don't you eat some more? You didn't really eat any and there is a lot of pancit," my father in law offered.
By the time I arrived home (from running errands) at 8pm and parked my car in the garage, I turned around and saw that Maddy was sound asleep in her carseat. I was so tired that if I didn't unbuckle myself from the driver's seat, I too would have fallen asleep in the car. Erwil was already home and he took all of our belongings out of the car.
All I remember was that I told Erwil that I would give Maddy a bath before she sleeps, then I would take a shower after and eat leftovers for dinner. But when I laid my body down on the futon in Maddy's nursery, I passed out. The feeling is very similar to having jet-lag! I just hit a solid brick wall of exhaustion and I felt so incapable to break through it. Dead tired, I fell into a deep slumber without knowing what happened to the rest of the evening. I didn't hear Maddy's babbling or crying. I didn't hear Erwil read her a story. All I knew is that when I woke up from my "nap" it was already 3:30am, lights out, and I am still on the futon stuck to my dirty clothes. While Maddy is sleeping peacefully in her crib, Erwil is snoring away in the master bedroom. How did I miss the opportunity to shower off all that sweaty layer of body scum and eat a warm dinner?
I woke up and took my shower and microwaved a small portion of dinner, only to run into another issue--I cannot fall asleep...AT ALL! (This is why I'm up, wide awake and blogging away.) Disappointed that it's already 5:19am and my alarm is set to ring at 6am, I wonder what my plan of strategy will be. I know all too well that at any given moment, Maddy will rise out of her slumber demanding a diaper change, a fresh bottle of milk and to play with her sleep-deprived mommy. The broken sleep pattern is causing me to have a terrible headache. Do I just try and attempt a cat nap, or do I just keep myself awake for the next 12 hours?
Just when I thought we could finally settle down to relax as a family, guess what I receive in the mail? I received a "Welcome Back" letter from the new principal of my school. My heart sank and my I thought to myself, "Oh noooooo!" Although school officially begins on September 13th, the letter was a reminder for me to get my classroom ready for the new school year. I felt the "Back to School Blues" all of this past weekend as I started to feel overwhelmed just thinking about everything I need to do just to get my classroom and lesson plans ready. I'm so bummed out that I had very few moments this summer just to relax. I'm very disappointed that I took my summer for granted.
For starters, it was such a hard transition for me to wake up today before 6am, get ready for work and get the baby to the her grandma and grandpa's house. Even with all of Erwil's help this morning, departing from the house in a mad rush caused me to forget to eat breakfast and bring my water bottle. The worst part of my day was in the afternoon, leaving campus to pick up Maddy and driving back home in the upper 80 degree heat, AC air not circulating well in the car and slow traffic starting from Carson all the way to Buena Park.
Today was my first official day back to work, but this is all unpaid labor of course! I don't think students and parents know exactly to what extent of sacrificing teachers volunteer for just to make sure everything is ready for school. To come in to work 3 weeks before school officially begins reminds me once again that I didn't choose a teaching career for the money.
My classroom floor has been stripped clean and waxed over the summer. Thankfully, the tables and chairs have all been set up, so I didn't have to do any heavy lifting of desks, tables and chairs. However, I did a lot of heavy lifting of books, computer monitors, audio/visual equipment and boxes of school supplies. You want to know what really killed my strength? I felt so extremely exhausted after taking the entire day to empty out the closets and the boxes sitting on top of the closets. I couldn't stand knowing that there was so much dust sitting on top of my closets, so I swept off all the layers of black dust with a hand broom and dust pan. I deliberately had gone over the closet tops 3 times, and I still had much more dust clinging to the wood. That's how long the blanket of dust was sitting up there. I'm thinking about bringing my Dirt Devil tomorrow to get every last bit of it. At the end of dusting, my peach colored t-shirt was stained gray from the years of dust that had settled on top of the closets. The t-shirt I wore stuck to my torso, not because of static cling but because I drenched it in sweat--even with the AC fan blowing inside my classroom.
I stood on a student chair while I took down all the heavy mystery boxes from the shelves and literally dropped all the boxes down on the floor. "BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!," as every box slammed on the floor. I couldn't believe how many library books were stored on top of those shelves, plus the ones stored inside the closets. The families of silverfish bugs were disturbed and scurried out of their musty paper nests. None of the books were organized into any pattern. It will take me at least 2 days to sort through everything by genre and reading level, and then shelved into the bookcases. I think I might have to even toss out many books that look more like 1st and 2nd grade level reading material dated back in the 1960's. What right do these old, yellow-tarnished books have to be kept in a 4th grade classroom?
Finally, I covered all the bulletin boards with cloth and trimmed all the edges with colorful borders. Decorating the bulletin boards helped to make the classroom look a lot less dreary, but I still have so much more cleaning and organizing to do in the next 2 weeks. I look over to the student computers and there is a just a black and blue pile of cables tangled like spaghetti noodles on a platter. It just annoys me to see computer cables tangled that way when there is an unopened bag of 200 rubber bands inside the teacher's desk drawer just waiting their whole entire existence to be used. I just left the computer station as WIP (Work In Progress). Setting up the computers, making sure the printer has ink and is installed correctly, and hooking it onto the Catskill network is left for another day's to do list. I refuse to deal with that mess today. Lights shut off, classroom door slams.
I arrive at the grandparents house. "Did you eat yet? Why don't you eat? What time did you have lunch? You should eat. I made pancit today and you should have some of it," my mother in law greets me at the door. My will succumbs to surrendering to their invitation to eat because I have to be polite to accept their offer in exchange for the free daycare service provided to Maddy.
Even though I had a really late fast food lunch and I am trying to hurry home before drunken exhaustion makes me incapable of driving back home safely, I am engaged into a chatty conversation with my in-laws over a plate of home cooked pancit (Filipino stir fry noodles, similar to Chinese chow mein) and a can of caffeine free Coke. "Out of all the days, why does the Coke served to me have to be caffeine free?," I lamented to myself. As soon as I finished my tiny portion, I hear "You only ate that? Why don't you eat some more? You didn't really eat any and there is a lot of pancit," my father in law offered.
By the time I arrived home (from running errands) at 8pm and parked my car in the garage, I turned around and saw that Maddy was sound asleep in her carseat. I was so tired that if I didn't unbuckle myself from the driver's seat, I too would have fallen asleep in the car. Erwil was already home and he took all of our belongings out of the car.
All I remember was that I told Erwil that I would give Maddy a bath before she sleeps, then I would take a shower after and eat leftovers for dinner. But when I laid my body down on the futon in Maddy's nursery, I passed out. The feeling is very similar to having jet-lag! I just hit a solid brick wall of exhaustion and I felt so incapable to break through it. Dead tired, I fell into a deep slumber without knowing what happened to the rest of the evening. I didn't hear Maddy's babbling or crying. I didn't hear Erwil read her a story. All I knew is that when I woke up from my "nap" it was already 3:30am, lights out, and I am still on the futon stuck to my dirty clothes. While Maddy is sleeping peacefully in her crib, Erwil is snoring away in the master bedroom. How did I miss the opportunity to shower off all that sweaty layer of body scum and eat a warm dinner?
I woke up and took my shower and microwaved a small portion of dinner, only to run into another issue--I cannot fall asleep...AT ALL! (This is why I'm up, wide awake and blogging away.) Disappointed that it's already 5:19am and my alarm is set to ring at 6am, I wonder what my plan of strategy will be. I know all too well that at any given moment, Maddy will rise out of her slumber demanding a diaper change, a fresh bottle of milk and to play with her sleep-deprived mommy. The broken sleep pattern is causing me to have a terrible headache. Do I just try and attempt a cat nap, or do I just keep myself awake for the next 12 hours?
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Then And Now
In order to fully appreciate what Christ has done for me, it is important that I acknowledge what my life was like before Christ became my Savior and Lord.
Titus 3:3-5 "At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit..."
The words "at one time" can be applied to too many areas of my life, and I ask myself what kinds of passions and pleasures ruled over my life before Jesus Christ set me free?
At one time...
What did I do to deserve God's kindness and love? What did I do to deserve Jesus Christ dying for me? Nothing. I did nothing to make myself right with God and yet He was still kind and loving to me.
Now I have a different heart because Jesus Christ really turned my eyes to see that I need Him in my life. I am undoubtedly overflowing with gratitude that the almighty and merciful God had given me a new hope and reason to have true joy and peace. When I was lost it was Jesus who saved me, not because of any good thing that I had done, but because of God's great mercy and love.
Titus 3:3-5 "At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit..."
The words "at one time" can be applied to too many areas of my life, and I ask myself what kinds of passions and pleasures ruled over my life before Jesus Christ set me free?
At one time...
- I wrestled with depression after college. I smiled and looked happy on the outside, but inside I felt so lonely, aimless and self-destructive.
- I struggled with lusting after expensive material things. I was a such a poor steward of my money. I was so enslaved by it that Mastercard and Visa bills piled up to no end.
- I held deep seated grudges against my family members for their short comings instead of being loving and forgiving.
- I loved to gossip. My ears were wide open to listening to it and my mouth was not bridled.
- I didn't guard my heart and I went through cycles of bad relationships.
- I was selfish and I wasn't a good friend. I was too self-absorbed to notice what was going on with my loved ones and my closest friends.
- I became lazy and overly complacent about my health.
- I chased ambitious endeavors which were not God-centered.
- I was so quick-tempered, critical and judgmental of myself and of other people.
- I was arrogant, argumentative, and unappreciative.
- I thought I was smart and wise enough not to live by God's Word.
- I spent too much time worrying and trying hard to gain the approval and praise of many people instead of pleasing God.
- I took credit for everything good that happened to my life instead of giving the credit to the Sovereign God above.
- I hated those people who always talked about loving and praising God. I thought they were dumb, brainwashed, and deluded. Godly people were such losers in my eyes because I thought that they needed to cling onto something bigger than they were to just to satisfy their need to feel important and loved.
- I bar-hopped and club-hopped on Friday and Saturdays, but on Sundays I church-hopped.
- I was really a Christian Agnostic. I thought that going to church and believing God only for the upright moral teachings without necessarily believing that the entire Bible is inerrant.
- I hated listening to Bible messages and found it so rude and offensive when people tried to talk to me about the love and kindness of God because it only highlighted how sinfully offensive my attitude and actions were towards God.
- I professed that I was a Christian, but my actions were ungodly. I was not bearing any fruits of the Holy Spirit. I hated Christian hypocrites, yet I didn't see myself as one. Talk about pot calling the kettle back!
What did I do to deserve God's kindness and love? What did I do to deserve Jesus Christ dying for me? Nothing. I did nothing to make myself right with God and yet He was still kind and loving to me.
Now I have a different heart because Jesus Christ really turned my eyes to see that I need Him in my life. I am undoubtedly overflowing with gratitude that the almighty and merciful God had given me a new hope and reason to have true joy and peace. When I was lost it was Jesus who saved me, not because of any good thing that I had done, but because of God's great mercy and love.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Supremacy
It's one thing to say that Christ has first place in our life. It is quite another thing to put these words into practice. Before I can say that Christ has authority in my life, it's important that I understand who Jesus Christ is that I may turn my life and my will over to Him.
Faith cannot be confused with any kind foolishness. Part of my problem in the past is that I have been putting my faith and my trust foolishly in other people, my college degree, man's wisdom, career, finances, physical capability, and material things that are all unworthy of my confidence and trust. So often I put my faith and trust in things that will not last. Jesus Christ is the only one who is altogether faithful and worthy of my trust.
Who is Jesus Christ? In Colossians 1:15-20 says, "He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that ineverything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on hearth or things in heaven, by making peache through his blood, shed on the cross."
How humbling this is for me to grasp this truth about Jesus Christ having this supremacy, and what He has done for me.
How can I even think that I have equal footing with Jesus Christ?
I don't even come close by any measure.
Faith cannot be confused with any kind foolishness. Part of my problem in the past is that I have been putting my faith and my trust foolishly in other people, my college degree, man's wisdom, career, finances, physical capability, and material things that are all unworthy of my confidence and trust. So often I put my faith and trust in things that will not last. Jesus Christ is the only one who is altogether faithful and worthy of my trust.
Who is Jesus Christ? In Colossians 1:15-20 says, "He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that ineverything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on hearth or things in heaven, by making peache through his blood, shed on the cross."
How humbling this is for me to grasp this truth about Jesus Christ having this supremacy, and what He has done for me.
How can I even think that I have equal footing with Jesus Christ?
I don't even come close by any measure.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Biggest Loser
Oh my goodness! Please don't laugh or be judgmental about what I'm about to share. I was just invited by my old high school friend, who I first met at Stephen M. White's PE class in the 8th grade, to join their Biggest Loser contest.
I don't mean biggest "loser" as in being socially inept, but the context of "loser" as in going from dangerously obese to healthy. Let me just tell you how challenged and motivated I am to knock down at the very least, 10 pounds. This challenge prompted me to start losing the pounds because I just saw the CPYF retreat pictures of myself posted on Facebook by my friends in the youth group. I'm pretty sure that they won't mind me untagging myself from almost all of the 200 x 4 pictures they posted with their fancy-schmancy high definition cameras. They posted at least 200 pictures each, so it's hard to find every single picture. I wish there was a "crop feature" on Facebook because rather than untagging, I wished I could just completely remove my image from the pictures.
Not to sound shallow about myself, but I honestly felt so embarrassed knowing that I can do a much better job of taking care of my health. I used to be more diet and workout conscious. There are a lot of sacrificial changes to make each day because I need to set a good example for Maddy and Erwil. Taking good care of my health is a way that know that I can be a good witness to my family, not just tell my family to eat healthy. You can't preach what you aren't practicing yourself. That's just so hypocritical! This isn't about me and how I look. Although restoring my body back to good health does have perks. Losing weight would mean that I can once again wear my engagement and wedding band again, once I get back down to my original size and body frame that God intended for me to have. This is about doing what's right for my family, and ultimately doing what's right in God's sight.
We've been learning a lot about sanctification and purity in the CPYF Sunday School class and during our College & Career Bible studies. It is such a necessary part of being a disciple of Jesus Christ. When I ponder about my own sin, I would have to say that the biggest nugget of sin holding me back from glorifying God has been what I do with my body. I have no self-control to stop eating unhealthy food and I definitely stopped sweating off those calories. Yes, gluttony! Yes, I'm a sloth! There I said it! It's not easy admitting how weak I am in this struggle over my lack of self-control.
The Lord is really inspiring me to make simple but authentic changes. We're talking about taking those initial baby steps, since baby steps is all about I can handle right now. The Lord knows where my heart is failing. In 1 Corinthians 6:19 Apostle Paul wrote, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." I feel so utterly and deeply convicted in knowing that I need to deal with my weight problem. It's not just a weight problem that I have, it's also a problem within my heart that harbors laziness, carelessness, indulging and not caring to deal with the natural consequences of my sin.
My prayer is that I learn to allow God to take control in every aspect of my life--even my health. I pray that during this second attempt to lose weight that I won't easily get discouraged. So I just hope that I'll find much support and encouragement from my closest family and friends in the days ahead. Self-control is definitely a fruit of the Holy Spirit, so it will be the Holy Spirit that will enable me to overcome my sin.
"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature." Galatians 5:16
I don't mean biggest "loser" as in being socially inept, but the context of "loser" as in going from dangerously obese to healthy. Let me just tell you how challenged and motivated I am to knock down at the very least, 10 pounds. This challenge prompted me to start losing the pounds because I just saw the CPYF retreat pictures of myself posted on Facebook by my friends in the youth group. I'm pretty sure that they won't mind me untagging myself from almost all of the 200 x 4 pictures they posted with their fancy-schmancy high definition cameras. They posted at least 200 pictures each, so it's hard to find every single picture. I wish there was a "crop feature" on Facebook because rather than untagging, I wished I could just completely remove my image from the pictures.
Not to sound shallow about myself, but I honestly felt so embarrassed knowing that I can do a much better job of taking care of my health. I used to be more diet and workout conscious. There are a lot of sacrificial changes to make each day because I need to set a good example for Maddy and Erwil. Taking good care of my health is a way that know that I can be a good witness to my family, not just tell my family to eat healthy. You can't preach what you aren't practicing yourself. That's just so hypocritical! This isn't about me and how I look. Although restoring my body back to good health does have perks. Losing weight would mean that I can once again wear my engagement and wedding band again, once I get back down to my original size and body frame that God intended for me to have. This is about doing what's right for my family, and ultimately doing what's right in God's sight.
We've been learning a lot about sanctification and purity in the CPYF Sunday School class and during our College & Career Bible studies. It is such a necessary part of being a disciple of Jesus Christ. When I ponder about my own sin, I would have to say that the biggest nugget of sin holding me back from glorifying God has been what I do with my body. I have no self-control to stop eating unhealthy food and I definitely stopped sweating off those calories. Yes, gluttony! Yes, I'm a sloth! There I said it! It's not easy admitting how weak I am in this struggle over my lack of self-control.
The Lord is really inspiring me to make simple but authentic changes. We're talking about taking those initial baby steps, since baby steps is all about I can handle right now. The Lord knows where my heart is failing. In 1 Corinthians 6:19 Apostle Paul wrote, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." I feel so utterly and deeply convicted in knowing that I need to deal with my weight problem. It's not just a weight problem that I have, it's also a problem within my heart that harbors laziness, carelessness, indulging and not caring to deal with the natural consequences of my sin.
My prayer is that I learn to allow God to take control in every aspect of my life--even my health. I pray that during this second attempt to lose weight that I won't easily get discouraged. So I just hope that I'll find much support and encouragement from my closest family and friends in the days ahead. Self-control is definitely a fruit of the Holy Spirit, so it will be the Holy Spirit that will enable me to overcome my sin.
"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature." Galatians 5:16
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Writer's Atrophy
I did so much shopping this week that there is literally no more room in our house to store all of the things I bought. I went to Target and Walmart to stock up on my annual school supplies for my class of students. I couldn't help myself to grabbing whatever my shopping cart could hold--plastic pencil boxes, dry erase markers, Crayola markers, Crayola colored pencils and composition books. Sadly, the only thing I didn't get to pick up are the colored folders with the 3-prong fasteners. I pick up these particular type of folders every year for my students because this is where they organize their writing portfolio for the entire school year. Actually this blog isn't about my students, just in case you were thinking I was going in that direction.
While I was shopping for school supplies, I saw some really pretty girly-girl notebooks and fancy ballpoint pens. Target sells the Hello Kitty composition books. I was so tempted to buy a couple notebooks for myself as a treat. For a moment, I thought about what I'd use the notebooks and pens for, but in the end I just ended up putting the items back on the shelf. I know I could use it for writing, but wondered sadly why I don't have much time for writing my thoughts down anymore.
Ever since I was a little girl Hello Kitty mania took over me. It brought me back to the memories of keeping a Hello Kitty diary under lock and key. Throughout grade school and even well into the years after I graduated from college, I took time writing poems, essays, angry rants, unsent letters, and songs. I sketched and colored the pages. I maintained a personal portfolio of writing because it was fun. I collected profound quotes and even glued down great fortune cookie proverbs. I felt so energized building a collage of words onto paper.
Admitting to myself that I haven't made any time for good old paper and pen writing made me feel so old and tired. What's even worse is not the lack of time, but that fearful feeling that I have nothing much to write about anymore. As of lately I find clever ideas, but nothing inspires me deeply enough to push the thoughts onto paper anymore. The feeling is almost like delivering a still-born child. What could it be the cause of it? It's writer's atrophy, plain and simple. I just haven't exercised my writing muscles even though there are so many thoughts going through my mind and heartfelt experiences that have been welling up inside of me. It doesn't feel good to me at all.
So I made a resolution to myself that I would take more time journaling just the old fashioned way. No laptop computer. No blogging and waiting for reader hits to tally up. No fancy spell checks. No added flavors or preservatives. I'll write with just the simple ingredients of pen, paper and my heart.
While I was shopping for school supplies, I saw some really pretty girly-girl notebooks and fancy ballpoint pens. Target sells the Hello Kitty composition books. I was so tempted to buy a couple notebooks for myself as a treat. For a moment, I thought about what I'd use the notebooks and pens for, but in the end I just ended up putting the items back on the shelf. I know I could use it for writing, but wondered sadly why I don't have much time for writing my thoughts down anymore.
Ever since I was a little girl Hello Kitty mania took over me. It brought me back to the memories of keeping a Hello Kitty diary under lock and key. Throughout grade school and even well into the years after I graduated from college, I took time writing poems, essays, angry rants, unsent letters, and songs. I sketched and colored the pages. I maintained a personal portfolio of writing because it was fun. I collected profound quotes and even glued down great fortune cookie proverbs. I felt so energized building a collage of words onto paper.
Admitting to myself that I haven't made any time for good old paper and pen writing made me feel so old and tired. What's even worse is not the lack of time, but that fearful feeling that I have nothing much to write about anymore. As of lately I find clever ideas, but nothing inspires me deeply enough to push the thoughts onto paper anymore. The feeling is almost like delivering a still-born child. What could it be the cause of it? It's writer's atrophy, plain and simple. I just haven't exercised my writing muscles even though there are so many thoughts going through my mind and heartfelt experiences that have been welling up inside of me. It doesn't feel good to me at all.
So I made a resolution to myself that I would take more time journaling just the old fashioned way. No laptop computer. No blogging and waiting for reader hits to tally up. No fancy spell checks. No added flavors or preservatives. I'll write with just the simple ingredients of pen, paper and my heart.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
My "29th" Birthday
I'm just kidding! I'm not really 29 years old. I'm 33 today, but who cares? Nobody counts how old you are when you're past the age of 29. I thought I wouldn't like my 30's, but I love it!
Call me a late-bloomer, but I just gotta say that I've been so blessed to be given some major life-altering experiences. I think I went through a huge nesting phase this past year just to make some room and time for a baby.
1. Still taking my pre-natal vitamins. I found it to be good for my hair, skin and nails!
2. Reading a beloved book out loud to Maddy every day. Saying a prayer out loud with her every day too.
3. Getting pregnant.
4. Paying a mortgage.
5. Pushing out a 7.5 lb baby into the world.
6. Getting displaced from my teaching job. Taking a legit break from working.
7. Stay at home mom.
8. Getting hired back at my old job.
9. Making a marriage interesting when all the newlywed fizzle dies down.
10. Saving up for a family car. I refuse to make monthly payments on a car.
11. Sacrificing my body for a 6 month old. My body won't ever be the same, and neither will my sleep pattern.
12. Not knowing if there's a paycheck next month coming in.
13. What's a beneficiary?
14. Setting up a savings account for Maddy.
15. Praying for a new house to buy and selling this townhouse.
16. Losing 20 pounds.
17. Working on loosing 40 more pounds by my next birthday.
18. Zero balance on credit cards.
19. Paying off student loans.
20. Getting a fancy-schmancy phone. Not the iPhone or the Crackleberry, but the competitor one.
21. Slowly changing my maiden name to my married name on all official documents.
22. Switching from Shiseido skin care to drugstore brand Aveeno.
23. Got rid of my size 6 shoe collection.
24. Waiting for my engagement ring and wedding band to fit my ring finger again.
25. Got rid of my old wardrobe of petite sized clothing.
26. Getting rid of my CD and DVD collection, if I can even call it a collection.
27. Letting go of trying to control every single thing that worries me.
29. Donating my book collection.
30. Updating my resume and teaching portfolio.
31. Updating and deleting the contact list stored in my cell phone's memory bank.
32. Deleting old saved emails.
This is the list of stuff I came up with. It might sound pretty uneventful, but to me it feels like I accomplished a lot on my mental to-do list. It feels so good!
Call me a late-bloomer, but I just gotta say that I've been so blessed to be given some major life-altering experiences. I think I went through a huge nesting phase this past year just to make some room and time for a baby.
1. Still taking my pre-natal vitamins. I found it to be good for my hair, skin and nails!
2. Reading a beloved book out loud to Maddy every day. Saying a prayer out loud with her every day too.
3. Getting pregnant.
4. Paying a mortgage.
5. Pushing out a 7.5 lb baby into the world.
6. Getting displaced from my teaching job. Taking a legit break from working.
7. Stay at home mom.
8. Getting hired back at my old job.
9. Making a marriage interesting when all the newlywed fizzle dies down.
10. Saving up for a family car. I refuse to make monthly payments on a car.
11. Sacrificing my body for a 6 month old. My body won't ever be the same, and neither will my sleep pattern.
12. Not knowing if there's a paycheck next month coming in.
13. What's a beneficiary?
14. Setting up a savings account for Maddy.
15. Praying for a new house to buy and selling this townhouse.
16. Losing 20 pounds.
17. Working on loosing 40 more pounds by my next birthday.
18. Zero balance on credit cards.
19. Paying off student loans.
20. Getting a fancy-schmancy phone. Not the iPhone or the Crackleberry, but the competitor one.
21. Slowly changing my maiden name to my married name on all official documents.
22. Switching from Shiseido skin care to drugstore brand Aveeno.
23. Got rid of my size 6 shoe collection.
24. Waiting for my engagement ring and wedding band to fit my ring finger again.
25. Got rid of my old wardrobe of petite sized clothing.
26. Getting rid of my CD and DVD collection, if I can even call it a collection.
27. Letting go of trying to control every single thing that worries me.
29. Donating my book collection.
30. Updating my resume and teaching portfolio.
31. Updating and deleting the contact list stored in my cell phone's memory bank.
32. Deleting old saved emails.
This is the list of stuff I came up with. It might sound pretty uneventful, but to me it feels like I accomplished a lot on my mental to-do list. It feels so good!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Miscommunication
We're living in the time of cell phones, emails, text messages, web chatting, social networking websites and blogs. Why is it that even with all these tools, I feel bothered that there is a disconnect between me and others when it comes to communicating?
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
My Little Roly-Poly
Maddy learned how to turn over this morning. What can you expect from a baby who's now 5 months and 2 weeks old? She can roll from her back to her tummy. She can also roll from tummy to back. I totally missed both moments because I left her in the crib playing with her toys. As soon as I found her practicing her new skill, I couldn't help but call Erwil at work!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Welcome to 4th Grade! Welcome to Room 29!
I wrote a whole blog "To Work or Not To Work" about my thought process on the issue of returning back to work full-time. It reflected how I felt at that time. I applied for FMLA leave time immediately after my 6 weeks of maternity leave expired. Taking a long break was a very good decision for Erwil and me to stay home with Maddy much longer. I just wasn't ready physically and mentally ready to return back to work six weeks after I had given birth and I knew it. I really enjoy being in the classroom also, but I just didn't have enough energy nor much desire to meet the requirements of two callings and perform well at both of them.
Here's a reminiscent flashback...
Back in 2003, while visiting a doctor cousin of mine who lives in a beautiful Long Island suburb of New York asked me, "Beth, how's work?" She couldn't help but laugh when I told her, "I love my job." I understood why she'd laugh at the oddity of my response. Considering how many people there are in America's workforce, how many can honestly say that they love their work? It just sounded funny to her that I'm a minority in the workforce population, but she understood my sentiments when I went into more detail about being a teacher. We compared and contrasted our professions--educator vs. medical doctor--over dinner. We discussed it point by point while eating a hearty $50 French inspired filet mignon, roasted potato, red wine meal that she could afford. (Or, at least stereotypically, what a medical doctor in America could afford to treat an American public school elementary teacher!)
In hindsight, she also admitted that she is so grateful for her dream career as an MD, but if she hadn't have been so deeply invested in medical school and years residency she would've loved the chance to teach math, biology or chemistry in a high school setting herself. Those words melted my heart like a sweet creme brulee compliment from an older cousin-mentor. She was the role-model I looked up to growing up as a little girl, writing letters to me from her NYU dorm who always reminded me to "Study hard!" That meant a lot to me.
I think the truth is that we're all created by God to work, and it's in discerning His calling and seeking the opportunities that will sharpen our talents and skills which will make the difference in how we work--will the work of our hands be purposeful and meaningful? Only God can judge the work of our hands and the attitude of our hearts at the end of each work day. That's based my God-led discovery through work experience that no $100 college textbook or merited college professor can teach. Somewhere between working as a 15-year-old food server at Cinnabon for $4.25 per hour, to working in my mid-thirties as an elementary teacher for LAUSD, I learned that I have been employed under one boss--God. And by working hard, I learned "there is no job beneath you." Even the most menial job will teach a skill or character trait that will equip you towards accomplishing something important for Him.
My heart really loves teaching at Catskill Avenue Elementary. No matter what those LA Times and The Daily Breeze news articles publish about Catskill's mediocre API rankings, I think it's non-reflective of what the teachers and supporting staff members do for the students at this particular elementary school. I learned over the years not to care for those things because it really means nothing and proves nothing about what a real teacher accomplishes in 180 days. Obtaining a quality education will go beyond superficial standardized tests results. I've never worked with a staff who's creative talents and pedagogy (fancy word that means strategies for teaching) are top-notch, than at Catskill. There are so many teachers in that campus who work tirelessly with integrity. I know, because during the time I was displaced I was able to substitute teach in just about everyone's classroom. I saw how every class was organized, not that I was judging anyone's teaching caliber.
I know so many Catskill teachers who bring their own children to Catskill because they can trust that any of those teachers will enhance their child's elementary school experience. Our principal is the most humble man in his leadership position. "Don't talk to me about everything that you are going to do, just do it...and I trust that you'll do it well!," seems to be his laissez faire style to helping Catskill become the school that it is right now. I'm not trying to brag, but I do think that our principal Mr. Brooks is the Coach Phil Jackson of LAUSD elementary schools, though he will never admit it because he's not into receiving attention. When you teach with colleagues who enjoy a healthy collaboration, it becomes the iron that sharpens the iron. I love the challenge, and I love learning how to better myself as a teacher while helping other teachers. This school exhibits teacher professionalism at its finest.
My FMLA leave finally came to an end on June 18th. The funny thing was that I reported back to work on the very last day of the school year and I was ready for it to be my very last day of school, literally speaking. Why? My work status with LAUSD was still unchanged--displaced teacher looking for an elementary classroom to teach in the South Bay (Carson, Torrance, Gardena, San Pedro area). I didn't receive a pink-slip notice, or become a RIF'd teacher, which means that I wasn't laid off. This in-turn meant that I couldn't file paperwork to collect state unemployment checks from the taxpayer's treasury. I was displaced, meaning there was a position for me somewhere in the vast LAUSD boundary. The question was when will I find the right job for me, and who would hire me back? When I received the letter of displacement back in October, I was saddened by the fact that I might not ever return back to Catskill. I just had to move forward and trust that God is in control of our financial and my career situation.
When I took my unpaid leave, I had a good taste of what it would be like if my family were to live under one income. It felt unsettling at first, but after a couple of weeks we learned to just work with the necessities. We learned to be even more thankful for the things we have and were given. By the end of 5 months, the missing paychecks went unnoticed. It was good to stay home every day. I was able to focus on Maddy and Erwil, and enjoy our time together, but still the thought of working in the classroom would loom in my mind.
Later that day, the principal called me into his office. "Mrs. Untalan, a 4th grade teacher filed for resignation on Wednesday. It leaves a spot open in 4th grade. Would you like to take the position for the upcoming school year? I know this is what you want. You will be able to work really close to your babysitter..."
It's true. I wouldn't accept any other position, unless it was an easy drive to Maddy's grandparents house. My own parents live in Carson, while my MIL (mother-in-law) and FIL (father-in-law) live in Torrance. I won't say it's easy, but it's definitely more convenient to bring Maddy to their house early in the morning and pick her up early in the afternoon after school dismissal.
The very last week before summer break I worked inside the classroom. It took me 2 full days to move all my teaching stuff out of Room 31 and into my new classroom, Room 29. It took me 3 days to clean, disinfect, and organize Room 29 all by myself. I gave away a lot of teaching material to a blogger-teacher-friend who I met through Xanga. She happened to be assigned a 5th grade class next year and gladly took all my extra stuff that I stored in my living room while I was a displaced teacher. I didn't want to start off the new school year being a pack-rat. I want a brand new, fresh start to the school year in Room 29!
I was thanking God a million times and excitedly told Erwil a million more times how surprising it is that God answered our prayers. God truly tested my heart to see if it was in the right place all these months (October to June) while waiting for the final answer.
I knew that ultimately in my family's situation, that I couldn't move in any direction without the Lord's guidance. Conversely, I knew that I didn't want to move in any direction without His guidance...
...so was God's unique way of greeting me, "Welcome to 4th Grade, Mrs. Untalan!"
Here's a reminiscent flashback...
Back in 2003, while visiting a doctor cousin of mine who lives in a beautiful Long Island suburb of New York asked me, "Beth, how's work?" She couldn't help but laugh when I told her, "I love my job." I understood why she'd laugh at the oddity of my response. Considering how many people there are in America's workforce, how many can honestly say that they love their work? It just sounded funny to her that I'm a minority in the workforce population, but she understood my sentiments when I went into more detail about being a teacher. We compared and contrasted our professions--educator vs. medical doctor--over dinner. We discussed it point by point while eating a hearty $50 French inspired filet mignon, roasted potato, red wine meal that she could afford. (Or, at least stereotypically, what a medical doctor in America could afford to treat an American public school elementary teacher!)
In hindsight, she also admitted that she is so grateful for her dream career as an MD, but if she hadn't have been so deeply invested in medical school and years residency she would've loved the chance to teach math, biology or chemistry in a high school setting herself. Those words melted my heart like a sweet creme brulee compliment from an older cousin-mentor. She was the role-model I looked up to growing up as a little girl, writing letters to me from her NYU dorm who always reminded me to "Study hard!" That meant a lot to me.
I think the truth is that we're all created by God to work, and it's in discerning His calling and seeking the opportunities that will sharpen our talents and skills which will make the difference in how we work--will the work of our hands be purposeful and meaningful? Only God can judge the work of our hands and the attitude of our hearts at the end of each work day. That's based my God-led discovery through work experience that no $100 college textbook or merited college professor can teach. Somewhere between working as a 15-year-old food server at Cinnabon for $4.25 per hour, to working in my mid-thirties as an elementary teacher for LAUSD, I learned that I have been employed under one boss--God. And by working hard, I learned "there is no job beneath you." Even the most menial job will teach a skill or character trait that will equip you towards accomplishing something important for Him.
My heart really loves teaching at Catskill Avenue Elementary. No matter what those LA Times and The Daily Breeze news articles publish about Catskill's mediocre API rankings, I think it's non-reflective of what the teachers and supporting staff members do for the students at this particular elementary school. I learned over the years not to care for those things because it really means nothing and proves nothing about what a real teacher accomplishes in 180 days. Obtaining a quality education will go beyond superficial standardized tests results. I've never worked with a staff who's creative talents and pedagogy (fancy word that means strategies for teaching) are top-notch, than at Catskill. There are so many teachers in that campus who work tirelessly with integrity. I know, because during the time I was displaced I was able to substitute teach in just about everyone's classroom. I saw how every class was organized, not that I was judging anyone's teaching caliber.
I know so many Catskill teachers who bring their own children to Catskill because they can trust that any of those teachers will enhance their child's elementary school experience. Our principal is the most humble man in his leadership position. "Don't talk to me about everything that you are going to do, just do it...and I trust that you'll do it well!," seems to be his laissez faire style to helping Catskill become the school that it is right now. I'm not trying to brag, but I do think that our principal Mr. Brooks is the Coach Phil Jackson of LAUSD elementary schools, though he will never admit it because he's not into receiving attention. When you teach with colleagues who enjoy a healthy collaboration, it becomes the iron that sharpens the iron. I love the challenge, and I love learning how to better myself as a teacher while helping other teachers. This school exhibits teacher professionalism at its finest.
My FMLA leave finally came to an end on June 18th. The funny thing was that I reported back to work on the very last day of the school year and I was ready for it to be my very last day of school, literally speaking. Why? My work status with LAUSD was still unchanged--displaced teacher looking for an elementary classroom to teach in the South Bay (Carson, Torrance, Gardena, San Pedro area). I didn't receive a pink-slip notice, or become a RIF'd teacher, which means that I wasn't laid off. This in-turn meant that I couldn't file paperwork to collect state unemployment checks from the taxpayer's treasury. I was displaced, meaning there was a position for me somewhere in the vast LAUSD boundary. The question was when will I find the right job for me, and who would hire me back? When I received the letter of displacement back in October, I was saddened by the fact that I might not ever return back to Catskill. I just had to move forward and trust that God is in control of our financial and my career situation.
When I took my unpaid leave, I had a good taste of what it would be like if my family were to live under one income. It felt unsettling at first, but after a couple of weeks we learned to just work with the necessities. We learned to be even more thankful for the things we have and were given. By the end of 5 months, the missing paychecks went unnoticed. It was good to stay home every day. I was able to focus on Maddy and Erwil, and enjoy our time together, but still the thought of working in the classroom would loom in my mind.
Later that day, the principal called me into his office. "Mrs. Untalan, a 4th grade teacher filed for resignation on Wednesday. It leaves a spot open in 4th grade. Would you like to take the position for the upcoming school year? I know this is what you want. You will be able to work really close to your babysitter..."
It's true. I wouldn't accept any other position, unless it was an easy drive to Maddy's grandparents house. My own parents live in Carson, while my MIL (mother-in-law) and FIL (father-in-law) live in Torrance. I won't say it's easy, but it's definitely more convenient to bring Maddy to their house early in the morning and pick her up early in the afternoon after school dismissal.
The very last week before summer break I worked inside the classroom. It took me 2 full days to move all my teaching stuff out of Room 31 and into my new classroom, Room 29. It took me 3 days to clean, disinfect, and organize Room 29 all by myself. I gave away a lot of teaching material to a blogger-teacher-friend who I met through Xanga. She happened to be assigned a 5th grade class next year and gladly took all my extra stuff that I stored in my living room while I was a displaced teacher. I didn't want to start off the new school year being a pack-rat. I want a brand new, fresh start to the school year in Room 29!
I was thanking God a million times and excitedly told Erwil a million more times how surprising it is that God answered our prayers. God truly tested my heart to see if it was in the right place all these months (October to June) while waiting for the final answer.
I knew that ultimately in my family's situation, that I couldn't move in any direction without the Lord's guidance. Conversely, I knew that I didn't want to move in any direction without His guidance...
...so was God's unique way of greeting me, "Welcome to 4th Grade, Mrs. Untalan!"
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Just Catching Up: Month 4
I have fallen behind on blogging and uploading pictures onto my Picasa account because I didn't make the time to update my credit card to pay the yearly storage fee. Everything's ok now, but I still have to catch up on uploading pictures onto the web just for safe-keeping.
Wow, life has been a constant blur as soon as the weather started feeling like summer heat! Here are some of the highlights that we experienced during Maddy's 4th month of living.
1. Ear Piercing
We had Maddy's ears pierced at 4 months. We originally wanted her to get her ears pierced by 3 months, but there were too many things going on every weekend of May. I asked my sister-in-law Maribel where she took her daughters to get their ears pierced, and she highly recommended Merle Norman. Isn't Merle Norman just a make-up boutique? Apparently, it's a full-service beauty store and they provide ear piercing services as well. They were great with Maddy!
Both Erwil and I were impressed at how Maddy took to her ear piercing. The lady first marked her ear with a special pen. All the other employees and customers were watching Maddy and holding their breath. Some were even wincing in pain when the two Merle Norman reps took hold of the ear piercing guns. When the ladies pierced Maddy's ears at the same time with an ear piercing gun. All I heard was two simultaneous "clicks" and it was over. It happened so fast! I was waiting for Maddy to cry, but she didn't do that at all. Instead she quietly sat with her dad and drank her bottle of milk. What a tough girl!
It looked red at first, but the swelling went down pretty quickly. I just kept swabbing her earlobes with calming lotion and by 2 weeks, her ears were pretty much healed.
2. Separation Anxiety
Maddy is growing quite a fun personality after she got over her phase of separation anxiety. She was so attached to Erwil and me, always crying whenever somebody else would try to hold her or come near to her. Being the one who stays home with Maddy all day, I knew I had to help Maddy feel more comfortable around other people. This would be a really important skill for her to master.
Since I had to report back to work on June 18th to complete my school year of service, Maddy and I practiced getting up at 5:30am to make that morning commute to Torrance by 7am. Erwil's parents are babysitting Maddy while I work. It took the both of us about a week of practice before I was able to leave her at Grandma and Grandpa Untalan's house without crying.
Her separation anxiety has been one of my worries for quite some time. I guess I feel that if Maddy isn't able to handle being with other people who want to hold her and give her their love and attention, she'll not thrive as much as babies who are more open to other people. I also feel that these are the earliest stages for her to learn how to be independent from us.
3. Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding Maddy is actually a topic that I feel very sad to report about. Somewhere around month 3, Maddy finally again decided to accept bottle feedings and her sleep schedule became an easy routine. Erwil and I were so happy for her, because it meant that she can be fed anywhere and anytime. It also meant that I can do more stuff and work around her sleeping pattern.
However, once Maddy was sleeping through the night in her own crib, in her own bedroom, I stopped nursing her at night. I didn't have to get up every 3 hours to feed her anymore, so I slept comfortably in my bed. I also took the pediatrician's advice to stretch Maddy's feedings from 2.5 or 3 hours to 4 hours apart. I really think this is what caused my milk supply to wane. I drank Fenugreek tablets and Mother's Milk Tea constantly, but it still didn't help too much with production. I still pumped for a very long time, but the amount of milk was never the same as it was before.
So I finally arrived to the point where I eventually had to just put Maddy on Enfamil Lipil formula. We began mixing in the frozen breastmilk we had in stock with her formula. The pediatrician noted how healthy Maddy is growing, but I still felt disappointed in my heart. I cried a lot because I was pretty sad about not being able to nurse Maddy to her appetite's desire anymore. My original goal was to breastfeed Maddy for a whole year, but I felt like such a failure that I didn't even make it to 6 months.
I've gotten over the whole breastfeeding failure eventually because Maddy's immune system is still in great shape. She hasn't gotten a single cold, even when she's around other people who are sick. Maddy has eczema, but there's not even a single trace of dry skin or skin rashes on her. She is gaining weight and growing steadily.
4. Language
I am still helping Maddy learn sign language through Baby Signing Time videos and reinforcing it whenever possible. For now, I think she understands the sign for "milk". She can't use her hands to sign back to me yet, but whenever I say "milk" or "gatas" I see Maddy's eyes widen and she smiles.
5. Drool
Yes, Maddy loves to gnaw on the side of her pacifier and fingers. I think she goes through 2-3 bib changes in a day. I don't think she's teething yet, but I'm not opposed to it either.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
These Are The Times That Make Me Smile
It's Mothers Day 2010. This is the first time I got to celebrate and be greeted a "Happy Mother's Day" by family and friends. There are not enough words to express how thankful I am to have Maddy in my life!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Baby, Tell Me What's On Your Mind
What's a mom to do with her baby daughter during the time she's awake? I was introduced to Baby Signing Time by one of my teacher friends. I looked at the website and sampled the preview videos. I loved it! The DVD's are fun, multi-sensory and the songs are so catchy.
I know that TV viewing is not at all recommended for children under the age of 2. TV is everywhere nowadays, and it's really difficult for me to stay a purist about being the anti-TV parent, so I let Maddy watch some TV. I break up the show in smaller segments and carefully show the segments over the time period of a day. I don't just sit her directly in front of our TV and walk away either. I'm there sitting and interacting with her while she's watching TV. Most of the time Maddy and I are playing while she's on tummy time and she gets a lot of books read to her. Watching Baby Signing Time is a treat for her, like cake after a meal.
There are a variety of packages, but the package that I ordered from the company comes with music CD's and signing flashcards to test our memory too. The music CD's however, I play more often because I really like the music. This is a real great time for me to play while I sing with with Maddy. You already know that I love singing, and I now I'm learning something new with Maddy.
On Sunday, we gave it a test-run at Lolo and Lola's house*. Maddy was being really fussy at my parent's house. So we had to take out Maddy's Baby Signing Time DVD, and she calmed down right away. She sat with her dad and watched the words come on the screen. Erwil was helping her make the gestures and she would smile each time. My parents thought that you only teach sign language to people who are deaf or mute. They also thought that if a baby learns sign language, it will not encourage the child to learn how to speak. The contrary is actually true. Babies who learn how to communicate through sign language benefit psychologically, emotionally and socially.
We want Maddy to learn a 2nd language, but we're not too sure if she'll pick up Tagalog very easily since Erwil doesn't speak or understand it. Tagalog is not so easy to implement in our home. Even both grandmas and grandpas automatically speak to Maddy in English and we always have to remind them to talk to her in Tagalog. Perhaps if she learns sign language as her 2nd language, we hope the transfer to a 3rd language will make more sense to her. Maybe sign language will be more practical method for our family to learn how to communicate with Maddy.
I ordered the Baby Signing Time full collection package after being convinced that sign language is something that Maddy, Erwil and I can learn as a family. We know that Maddy's only nearing 4 months and still in her pre-verbal stages, but hopefully if we're consistent we'll see her pick up some way to communicate to us other than her smiling and crying to express herself.
(* Whenever we say Lolo and Lola, we are referring to the grandparents from Maddy's Genuino side. When we say Grandpa and Grandpa, we are referring to the grandparents from Maddy's Untalan side.)
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
To Work or Not To Work?
I've been on maternity leave and family leave since December 18, 2009. I've been a displaced teacher since October 2009 because of my seniority status at my current school site. It was a wonderful situation for my pregnancy, all things considered.
It has been a long time since I had a work routine. I recall waking up at 5:30am, warm shower, wardrobe and makeup session, eat breakfast in the car while I'm commuting to work and listening to Christian talk radio, KFSH or Ryan Seacrest in the morning. If I was really dragging myself to work, I'd stop by 7 Eleven to grab coffee creamed with French Vanilla fanciness. It was a routine that I've been used to since I started working for LAUSD back in 2001. Those mornings were the only time during the day when I scheduled in my two hours worth of uninterrupted "me" time in solace and reflection. Those were the days. Please let me emphasize the word "were".
The thought of going back to work full-time has been looming over me since I submitted my "Certificate to Return From Leave" affidavit. I just turned it in last week, although I've had that form since December 2009. I've been procrastinating about turning it in to the District. Why am I feeling so mixed-minded about returning back to work as a teacher? Maybe I am uncomfortable with this unsettled feeling, because it has to deal with re-inventing myself and changing my long-lived routine. Maybe I'm trying to do what is best for our family at this moment.
I'm very much torn between two great opportunities, neither of which are mediocre endeavors. I feel that a whole part of me wants to stay home to focus on taking better care of Erwil, Maddy, and our home. Be a good wife, be a good mom, and maintain a solid household. The other part of me wants to become Super Mom and maintain my career on top of everything else. Why not? So many women out there are able to juggle their time with their family and still manage a successful teaching career. I know that God sustains so many teacher mommies who have a real gift to not only raise their own children, but also be a mother-figure to other children. To me, that is an amazing accomplishment. I can only imagine, what energy and what love would it require each day from one to handle both so well? Would I be willing to do the same?
The reason why I'm so torn about going back to work is because I just know how I am as a teacher. Much to my surprise, I learned that being a teacher is so much like being an owner of a franchise business. You get back what you invest into it. You reap what you sow. The only difference is that you start from scratch every September. I love being in the classroom a little too much. There are really tough days I face, but I just love the kids. I take 3 months out of the year to dedicate to vacationing, but when the school year is in session I morph into a serious workaholic. I know how much time I spend outside of school hours just to make everything worthwhile for the students to sit inside my classroom. I know how much of my own money I spend on gathering teaching materials just to make sure I produce the results I want in my classroom. I know how dreadful those Sunday evenings can get when I stay at home the whole afternoon grading papers and organizing my work bag for the upcoming week. And yet, I can come into my classroom at 7am on Monday mornings, ready to start the day. I know I talk to Erwil non-stop about teaching, about the parents, about the students and thank goodness he still loves me despite me borderline pestering him about my life as a teacher. I don't have an "Off Button" for teaching. Is there such a thing as loving your job a little bit too much? Somebody, please help me!
I think it has to be my attitude towards working and just the very nature of my career that makes it hard to balance things out. I think I read somewhere that the teaching profession follows the highest divorce rates here in America after police officer and medical doctor, but correct me if I'm wrong. Why is it that the most service-oriented careers that get this bad reputation? Surely probably all of teachers have said to themselves, "This will never happen to me." And yet, their lives dictate a successful career in the eyes of the community, but a failed marriage or failed multiple marriages in the eyes of a spouse and children. Do I really want to be included in that statistic? Because of my teacher-mode mentality, it would be barely September and I'm already stressing out about how to make it through November's first quarter assessments just to stay on top of it all. It really kills the mood when Erwil is trying to be my romantic husband, but all I can do is vent to him about how a parent ran up to my classroom just to chew me out because I am picking on her son. It really sucks when Erwil wants to relax and watch TV with me, but I'm sitting on the other side of the living room grading a stack of essays and math tests while trying to concentrate on our favorite show. Am I trying to give Erwil my all into our marriage, or am I just giving him the scraps of me? It's my fault that I let my teaching responsibilities out-space my marital responsibilities. I try to make it up to him during the weekends, but who am I kidding? All teachers do some form of work during their weekends and summer vacations.
I married Erwil and I love him so much. Quality time is so important and it does take discipline to incorporate that in our marriage and family. I just have to find that work-life balance. Don't get me wrong, we could really use the 2nd income to build our family's empire. Who doesn't wish to live a really comfortable life and really enjoy the big world out there? Who doesn't wish to send their children off to good colleges and build a comfortable retirement plan to nest in? What supportive mom wouldn't want to be willing to pay for those pricey piano and dance lessons so that their daughters will continue to shape their innate talents? What dad wouldn't want to pay for his son's basketball shoes and team uniform so he can play for the high school varsity team? We all want that perfect house, in that perfect neighborhood, so our kids can go to that perfect school, to have the perfect life. What parent wouldn't provide for their family? The question is, what form of provision should I contribute to my own family?
Money does make dreams come true. In this slow economy, it's nice to have that 2nd income to save for the rainiest of days. It's nice to have that 2nd income so that you don't have to always respond with a "no" or "wait" to your child's wish list. But I just think that at this moment, it would be wonderful time for me to slow my teaching career down for a change so that I can really enjoy my marriage and family time with Erwil. He and I have had a talk about our financial situation and will really have to live on a budget if I decide to stay at home with Maddy and make more time for our family. Erwil has given me the green light and told me that we can manage our household expenses and still manage to save some money, should I decide to become a stay-at-home mom. We just really have to keep an even closer eye on where money is going. Maybe it's in that slowing down that will make us a different family altogether? I mean, it already has changed in the past 5 months that I've been staying home with the baby. Ironically, I find that ever since I lessened the all places that I "have to be at" and lessened the "things I really have to be doing right now" from my calendars, I really feel more well-accomplished and feel that my life is moving in a focused-forward direction. Isn't it ironic, dontcha think?
Adding to more ironies, at one point in my 3o's, I was comfortable about not having to searching for the right person to marry and content about not having kids since I have the opportunity to "raise" so many. It was fine lifestyle for me because I was happy in the Lord and happy with what I was doing for the Lord and my family. In 2007, I seriously applied to a seminary school to become full-fledged church worker. Well? Look at where I ended up. Maddy is my world now. I just finished reading the book Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp and it's so insightful. It taught me that obeying the Scriptures drive the apprehension away from the difficulties of parenting. I read so many parenting books while I was pregnant with Maddy, and the worst of them were the ones that try to pass off being "Christian". I mean, if Jesus were to visit Lighthouse Christian Bookstore or LifeWay Christian Bookstore, how would He rate what's Philippians 4:8's standard of true, noble, excellent and praiseworthy and what's decrepit garbage? I couldn't help but embrace Tripp's book because it pointed me back to the heart of God's Living Word. Of course it's written for parents who are already raising a child or multiple kids! But I even more highly recommend this book to married couples who teeter-totter ambivalently about the decision of raising children. Ted Tripp's book is probably the one of the more faith-challenging book that exists on the book stands today. Honestly, I think this book will most probably better enable them to decide once and for all if they want to be come parents in their lifetime. Adulthood calls for that maternal and paternal role in our community in some form or another because the world will never run out of children who need that, the question is just if we want to have our own kids to exercise that role at a more committed, unconditional level.
I really am so blessed to receive this wonderful calling from God to be a mom. As a parent, I have the primary responsibility to shepherd my child's entire being. I am the authority figure that God has placed in Maddy's life. It is the highest calling for a mother to sustain life inside her womb and then be able to raise that child with love. If I didn't love God and strive to have a good relationship with Him, I just wouldn't love Maddy and take on this new adventure of motherhood and parenting with so much hope and inspiration. It's this love I have for God first that is helping me embrace Maddy, even when she's being difficult.
The thought of being Maddy's first teacher and witness all of her big milestones is precious to me. Staying home to experience Maddy grow up to be who God intended for her to be is much like Jack Nicholson sitting courtside to watch the Lakers play basketball at every single game, without compromise. After working with so many children in the classroom and seeing how exciting it is for them to grow up in the 180 days I am their teacher, the last thing I want to do is sit way up at the "nosebleed" section to watch my own daughter embrace life, and most hopefully and importantly a blissful life with God. I want to be right there with her--not in a nosey-stalker-like-annoying-hellicopter mom sort of way, but as a true witness/servant to see how God's plan will unfold in His handiwork.
To work or not to work? Ever since December 18th, I've been on maternity and FMLA leave. I only have about a month left of see-sawing back and forth between returning back to work in the fall or putting in for an extension of my leave of absence. Sharon, the school manager called to tell me that my leave time expires on June 18th. I must report back to work on June 18th. On that day, I'm pretty sure my principal will ask about my future plans because he wants to know where and how I will be utilized for next school year. Am I going to be ready for that day to answer these tough final decision-making questions that new mothers make?
It has been a long time since I had a work routine. I recall waking up at 5:30am, warm shower, wardrobe and makeup session, eat breakfast in the car while I'm commuting to work and listening to Christian talk radio, KFSH or Ryan Seacrest in the morning. If I was really dragging myself to work, I'd stop by 7 Eleven to grab coffee creamed with French Vanilla fanciness. It was a routine that I've been used to since I started working for LAUSD back in 2001. Those mornings were the only time during the day when I scheduled in my two hours worth of uninterrupted "me" time in solace and reflection. Those were the days. Please let me emphasize the word "were".
The thought of going back to work full-time has been looming over me since I submitted my "Certificate to Return From Leave" affidavit. I just turned it in last week, although I've had that form since December 2009. I've been procrastinating about turning it in to the District. Why am I feeling so mixed-minded about returning back to work as a teacher? Maybe I am uncomfortable with this unsettled feeling, because it has to deal with re-inventing myself and changing my long-lived routine. Maybe I'm trying to do what is best for our family at this moment.
I'm very much torn between two great opportunities, neither of which are mediocre endeavors. I feel that a whole part of me wants to stay home to focus on taking better care of Erwil, Maddy, and our home. Be a good wife, be a good mom, and maintain a solid household. The other part of me wants to become Super Mom and maintain my career on top of everything else. Why not? So many women out there are able to juggle their time with their family and still manage a successful teaching career. I know that God sustains so many teacher mommies who have a real gift to not only raise their own children, but also be a mother-figure to other children. To me, that is an amazing accomplishment. I can only imagine, what energy and what love would it require each day from one to handle both so well? Would I be willing to do the same?
The reason why I'm so torn about going back to work is because I just know how I am as a teacher. Much to my surprise, I learned that being a teacher is so much like being an owner of a franchise business. You get back what you invest into it. You reap what you sow. The only difference is that you start from scratch every September. I love being in the classroom a little too much. There are really tough days I face, but I just love the kids. I take 3 months out of the year to dedicate to vacationing, but when the school year is in session I morph into a serious workaholic. I know how much time I spend outside of school hours just to make everything worthwhile for the students to sit inside my classroom. I know how much of my own money I spend on gathering teaching materials just to make sure I produce the results I want in my classroom. I know how dreadful those Sunday evenings can get when I stay at home the whole afternoon grading papers and organizing my work bag for the upcoming week. And yet, I can come into my classroom at 7am on Monday mornings, ready to start the day. I know I talk to Erwil non-stop about teaching, about the parents, about the students and thank goodness he still loves me despite me borderline pestering him about my life as a teacher. I don't have an "Off Button" for teaching. Is there such a thing as loving your job a little bit too much? Somebody, please help me!
I think it has to be my attitude towards working and just the very nature of my career that makes it hard to balance things out. I think I read somewhere that the teaching profession follows the highest divorce rates here in America after police officer and medical doctor, but correct me if I'm wrong. Why is it that the most service-oriented careers that get this bad reputation? Surely probably all of teachers have said to themselves, "This will never happen to me." And yet, their lives dictate a successful career in the eyes of the community, but a failed marriage or failed multiple marriages in the eyes of a spouse and children. Do I really want to be included in that statistic? Because of my teacher-mode mentality, it would be barely September and I'm already stressing out about how to make it through November's first quarter assessments just to stay on top of it all. It really kills the mood when Erwil is trying to be my romantic husband, but all I can do is vent to him about how a parent ran up to my classroom just to chew me out because I am picking on her son. It really sucks when Erwil wants to relax and watch TV with me, but I'm sitting on the other side of the living room grading a stack of essays and math tests while trying to concentrate on our favorite show. Am I trying to give Erwil my all into our marriage, or am I just giving him the scraps of me? It's my fault that I let my teaching responsibilities out-space my marital responsibilities. I try to make it up to him during the weekends, but who am I kidding? All teachers do some form of work during their weekends and summer vacations.
I married Erwil and I love him so much. Quality time is so important and it does take discipline to incorporate that in our marriage and family. I just have to find that work-life balance. Don't get me wrong, we could really use the 2nd income to build our family's empire. Who doesn't wish to live a really comfortable life and really enjoy the big world out there? Who doesn't wish to send their children off to good colleges and build a comfortable retirement plan to nest in? What supportive mom wouldn't want to be willing to pay for those pricey piano and dance lessons so that their daughters will continue to shape their innate talents? What dad wouldn't want to pay for his son's basketball shoes and team uniform so he can play for the high school varsity team? We all want that perfect house, in that perfect neighborhood, so our kids can go to that perfect school, to have the perfect life. What parent wouldn't provide for their family? The question is, what form of provision should I contribute to my own family?
Money does make dreams come true. In this slow economy, it's nice to have that 2nd income to save for the rainiest of days. It's nice to have that 2nd income so that you don't have to always respond with a "no" or "wait" to your child's wish list. But I just think that at this moment, it would be wonderful time for me to slow my teaching career down for a change so that I can really enjoy my marriage and family time with Erwil. He and I have had a talk about our financial situation and will really have to live on a budget if I decide to stay at home with Maddy and make more time for our family. Erwil has given me the green light and told me that we can manage our household expenses and still manage to save some money, should I decide to become a stay-at-home mom. We just really have to keep an even closer eye on where money is going. Maybe it's in that slowing down that will make us a different family altogether? I mean, it already has changed in the past 5 months that I've been staying home with the baby. Ironically, I find that ever since I lessened the all places that I "have to be at" and lessened the "things I really have to be doing right now" from my calendars, I really feel more well-accomplished and feel that my life is moving in a focused-forward direction. Isn't it ironic, dontcha think?
Adding to more ironies, at one point in my 3o's, I was comfortable about not having to searching for the right person to marry and content about not having kids since I have the opportunity to "raise" so many. It was fine lifestyle for me because I was happy in the Lord and happy with what I was doing for the Lord and my family. In 2007, I seriously applied to a seminary school to become full-fledged church worker. Well? Look at where I ended up. Maddy is my world now. I just finished reading the book Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp and it's so insightful. It taught me that obeying the Scriptures drive the apprehension away from the difficulties of parenting. I read so many parenting books while I was pregnant with Maddy, and the worst of them were the ones that try to pass off being "Christian". I mean, if Jesus were to visit Lighthouse Christian Bookstore or LifeWay Christian Bookstore, how would He rate what's Philippians 4:8's standard of true, noble, excellent and praiseworthy and what's decrepit garbage? I couldn't help but embrace Tripp's book because it pointed me back to the heart of God's Living Word. Of course it's written for parents who are already raising a child or multiple kids! But I even more highly recommend this book to married couples who teeter-totter ambivalently about the decision of raising children. Ted Tripp's book is probably the one of the more faith-challenging book that exists on the book stands today. Honestly, I think this book will most probably better enable them to decide once and for all if they want to be come parents in their lifetime. Adulthood calls for that maternal and paternal role in our community in some form or another because the world will never run out of children who need that, the question is just if we want to have our own kids to exercise that role at a more committed, unconditional level.
I really am so blessed to receive this wonderful calling from God to be a mom. As a parent, I have the primary responsibility to shepherd my child's entire being. I am the authority figure that God has placed in Maddy's life. It is the highest calling for a mother to sustain life inside her womb and then be able to raise that child with love. If I didn't love God and strive to have a good relationship with Him, I just wouldn't love Maddy and take on this new adventure of motherhood and parenting with so much hope and inspiration. It's this love I have for God first that is helping me embrace Maddy, even when she's being difficult.
The thought of being Maddy's first teacher and witness all of her big milestones is precious to me. Staying home to experience Maddy grow up to be who God intended for her to be is much like Jack Nicholson sitting courtside to watch the Lakers play basketball at every single game, without compromise. After working with so many children in the classroom and seeing how exciting it is for them to grow up in the 180 days I am their teacher, the last thing I want to do is sit way up at the "nosebleed" section to watch my own daughter embrace life, and most hopefully and importantly a blissful life with God. I want to be right there with her--not in a nosey-stalker-like-annoying-hellicopter mom sort of way, but as a true witness/servant to see how God's plan will unfold in His handiwork.
To work or not to work? Ever since December 18th, I've been on maternity and FMLA leave. I only have about a month left of see-sawing back and forth between returning back to work in the fall or putting in for an extension of my leave of absence. Sharon, the school manager called to tell me that my leave time expires on June 18th. I must report back to work on June 18th. On that day, I'm pretty sure my principal will ask about my future plans because he wants to know where and how I will be utilized for next school year. Am I going to be ready for that day to answer these tough final decision-making questions that new mothers make?
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Maddy's Milestones: 3 Months Old
Just a little video of Maddy.
Here's how she's progressing (% denotes percentile):
3 months: head circumference 38.5cm (10%), weight 12.2 lbs (50%), height 22.75 in (25%)
2 months: head circumference 37cm (10%), weight 11.0 lbs (50%), height 22.0 in (50%)
1 month: head circumference 36cm (25%), weight 10.0 lbs (75%), height 21.25 in (50%)
Here's how she's progressing (% denotes percentile):
3 months: head circumference 38.5cm (10%), weight 12.2 lbs (50%), height 22.75 in (25%)
2 months: head circumference 37cm (10%), weight 11.0 lbs (50%), height 22.0 in (50%)
1 month: head circumference 36cm (25%), weight 10.0 lbs (75%), height 21.25 in (50%)
Monday, April 26, 2010
Everyday Events and Not-So Everyday Events
It's kind of tough trying to update the blog...
1.) First of all, congratulations to The Rubin Family (Nate, Nicole and Addison)! Hugs and kisses to Baby Andrew Eric Rubin who was born April 10th. Addy has a new baby brother! We're so happy for their family!
2.) Our favorite sushi restaurant, Sushi Samurai in Cerritos has closed on Saturday, April 24th. We were able to join Hap and Susan for a last dinner outing there. Maddy also joined us, but she was asleep the whole time in her Ergo baby carrier. It was a really sad occasion for all of us because that restaurant brings up so many good memories. Erwil took me to Sushi Samurai for our very first date, being one of them. We were able to order a variety of rolls, and toast to some Japanese beer and hot sake.
The reason why Sushi Samurai had to close down is because the property management renovated the whole strip mall and then raised the lease on the owners. The owners did not sign the new leasing agreement. The owners did leave a notebook for all the faithful customers to leave their contact info in case they find a new spot to open their restaurant. We hope that they find a place to keep Sushi Samurai's business still running. In the meantime, Erwil and I are on a hunt to find another quaint little sushi place nearby our house.
3.) Janssen and I had our first "Mommy & Me" day at the mall. We brought Dylan and Maddy with us to Del Amo Mall. All we did was have a quick lunch and window shopped, while catching up on life. It was so nice to get out of the house for a change. We will try to do it again sometime soon.
4.) I've been helping out the CPYF Youth Group since 2006. Can't believe how time flies--some of my babies are growing, graduating from high school and going to college! After having a maternity leave, I'm back on to teaching/leading/discipling the high school Sunday school class and slowly getting back into helping the youth ministry at my church when Maddy's schedule permits.
Our focus this quarter is on Purity (Sanctification). We are addressing purity as the over-arching theme, but also covering self control of mind & body, love, courtship, God's intention for sex, self-esteem, as well as other issues. It's been such a blessing to meet with the girls week to week to discuss our girl issues, keep each other accountable and lift each other up in prayer. I remember how hard it was to survive high school and maintain my integrity and relationship with Jesus Christ back in the 1990's, but I think it's even way harder nowadays when so many aspects about our everyday culture challenge and even ridicule our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.
Amy Grace is back from the Philippines to serve as a church intern, helping to lead the girls in discipleship. I also am happy that Lynneth is also coming to join us girls. I'm so happy that Ate Amy Grace and Ate Lynneth have the heart to be there for the girls. It's also a blessing to hear such challenging Bible messages from Kuya La Ron and Micah. Many times in the Bible it clearly reminds us that it is God's will for us to be sanctified and we need the love and support to help us all persevere in our faith.
Along with this note, I was able to finish reading 3 great books this month that deal with sexual purity: Accept Nothing Less by Jim Burns and Every Young Woman's Battle: Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Body in a Sex-Saturated World by Shannon Ethridge. I was also inspired and challenged after reading an awesome parenting book titled "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Trip. I had the pleasure of reading these 3 books as a married woman and mother and I found it sobering and heart probing at the same time. It really held my own worldly philosophy and personal standards about parenting, dating, marriage against the Biblical standards. Mine paled in comparison to God's wisdom, thus bringing me to this final verse:
"Don't let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that comes from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ." Colossians 2:8 (NLT)
1.) First of all, congratulations to The Rubin Family (Nate, Nicole and Addison)! Hugs and kisses to Baby Andrew Eric Rubin who was born April 10th. Addy has a new baby brother! We're so happy for their family!
2.) Our favorite sushi restaurant, Sushi Samurai in Cerritos has closed on Saturday, April 24th. We were able to join Hap and Susan for a last dinner outing there. Maddy also joined us, but she was asleep the whole time in her Ergo baby carrier. It was a really sad occasion for all of us because that restaurant brings up so many good memories. Erwil took me to Sushi Samurai for our very first date, being one of them. We were able to order a variety of rolls, and toast to some Japanese beer and hot sake.
The reason why Sushi Samurai had to close down is because the property management renovated the whole strip mall and then raised the lease on the owners. The owners did not sign the new leasing agreement. The owners did leave a notebook for all the faithful customers to leave their contact info in case they find a new spot to open their restaurant. We hope that they find a place to keep Sushi Samurai's business still running. In the meantime, Erwil and I are on a hunt to find another quaint little sushi place nearby our house.
3.) Janssen and I had our first "Mommy & Me" day at the mall. We brought Dylan and Maddy with us to Del Amo Mall. All we did was have a quick lunch and window shopped, while catching up on life. It was so nice to get out of the house for a change. We will try to do it again sometime soon.
4.) I've been helping out the CPYF Youth Group since 2006. Can't believe how time flies--some of my babies are growing, graduating from high school and going to college! After having a maternity leave, I'm back on to teaching/leading/discipling the high school Sunday school class and slowly getting back into helping the youth ministry at my church when Maddy's schedule permits.
Our focus this quarter is on Purity (Sanctification). We are addressing purity as the over-arching theme, but also covering self control of mind & body, love, courtship, God's intention for sex, self-esteem, as well as other issues. It's been such a blessing to meet with the girls week to week to discuss our girl issues, keep each other accountable and lift each other up in prayer. I remember how hard it was to survive high school and maintain my integrity and relationship with Jesus Christ back in the 1990's, but I think it's even way harder nowadays when so many aspects about our everyday culture challenge and even ridicule our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.
Amy Grace is back from the Philippines to serve as a church intern, helping to lead the girls in discipleship. I also am happy that Lynneth is also coming to join us girls. I'm so happy that Ate Amy Grace and Ate Lynneth have the heart to be there for the girls. It's also a blessing to hear such challenging Bible messages from Kuya La Ron and Micah. Many times in the Bible it clearly reminds us that it is God's will for us to be sanctified and we need the love and support to help us all persevere in our faith.
Along with this note, I was able to finish reading 3 great books this month that deal with sexual purity: Accept Nothing Less by Jim Burns and Every Young Woman's Battle: Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Body in a Sex-Saturated World by Shannon Ethridge. I was also inspired and challenged after reading an awesome parenting book titled "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Trip. I had the pleasure of reading these 3 books as a married woman and mother and I found it sobering and heart probing at the same time. It really held my own worldly philosophy and personal standards about parenting, dating, marriage against the Biblical standards. Mine paled in comparison to God's wisdom, thus bringing me to this final verse:
"Don't let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that comes from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ." Colossians 2:8 (NLT)
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Celebrating Maddy's 3-Month Birthday
On Thursday night after Erwil and I finished our dinner, we were preparing for our family devotion. I told Maddy, "You know who loves you? Jesus loves you very much. And we love you too." Erwil added, "You know why we love? We love because He loved us first." Maddy was gazing up at Erwil with her happy face.While Erwil was teaching Maddy about God's unconditional love, I was reminded about when Erwil and I were dating. I asked Erwil what his favorite Bible verse or passage was, and he answered 1 John 4: 7-21. This became our theme verse for our courtship and marriage. On our wedding day, we chose this verse to be read because it reminds us about our relationship with God, and to strive for the highest quality love in our relationship with each other as husband and wife. Now fast forward 2 years later and here Erwil is again reminding me about God's love, and sharing his favorite scripture passage to Maddy this time as a father. We are reminded about our relationship with Maddy, and how God enables us to strive for, and to grow in loving her unconditionally.
It's always such a joy to be with Erwil and now with Maddy to read God's Word. I know that the days can get so busy and laborious. Fellowship with God can easily get shuffled behind the many other things "to do". Lord, forgive us and help us to keep all of our priorities and all of our commitments straight. I know in my heart that God's Word can and should be shared to Maddy, even at an early age. It says in Isaiah 55:11, "So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, Without accomplishing what I desire, And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it."
Maddy turned 3 months today. We took her to Cerritos Regional Park for her first lunch picnic since the day was beautiful and warm. Eating a $12 dollar picnic meal under sunshine. Feeling the fresh breeze. Family prayer. Having a fun conversation with Erwil. Playing with Maddy. Nothing beats the joy of simplicity.
We are so amused in discovering the things that Maddy has learned and enjoys so far:
- During tummy time, she's able to lift her head up and look side to side. Tummy time sessions are a bit longer now. If she has a toy or mirror, she can stay on her tummy for about 5 minutes. If mommy and daddy are down with her, she can last even longer. (I try to put her on her tummy to play several times a day. I try to do my own exercises too while we're both down on the floor.)
- We discovered that she has rhythm. She loves listening to "Single Ladies" by Beyonce and she enjoys dancing to "Elmo's Song". She loves the Sunday School song "Deep and Wide" done with arm gestures.
- Maddy loves it when we clap her hands for her and say "YAY!!!"
- We play parts of the face games in English and Tagalog. She loves getting her lips and nose tickled when we say "NOSE!" = "ILONG!" and "MOUTH" = "BIBIG".
- When she coo's she makes the "ng" sound, "ow" sound and the "ggghh" sound a lot!
- We don't allow her watch a lot of TV, but she loves watching Sesame Street at 12pm. Erwil has a big screen TV and Maddy watches the puppets talk and move. She is fascinated by their colors and voices. (During that time she's focused on Sesame Street, I'm able to warm up some lunch for myself and sit with her.)
- Maddy enjoys looking at the colorful stained-glass windows at church. She also loves looking at up the chandeliers while we sit quietly on the church pews.
- She loves staring at squares and circle shapes on the walls. Her favorite place to look at walls is at Grandma and Grandpa's house because they have a huge collection of family photos, plaques and awards.
- She immediately stops crying the moment she hears the velcro strip "rip" from her diapers and she coo's and smiles while being changed.
- Maddy likes to lift her legs up and "stomp" them down on her pack-n-play crib and changing table.
- She discovered her hands. She loves watching her hands open and close. It's quite a fun game to her.
- We are so thankful that Maddy has reached the 3rd month without a single illness--not one cold or flu symptom.
- Maddy is able to bat the dangling toys on her activity gym with her arms. She tends to try and grasp the octopus the most because the soft tentacles have rattles in them.
- Maddy is able to grasp her own hair and pull on it. Sometimes she pulls so hard, she cries!
- She loves looking into her toy mirror and any mirror in general.
- Maddy no longer wears 3 month clothing. She's long in her legs, so she is able to wear 6 months and a few 9 month clothes.
- While Erwil and I eat, Maddy watches everything we do with our hands-pouring, cutting, scooping, lifting ketchup bottles and glasses.
- Maddy loves car rides. She wakes up to every stoplight or whenever the car is idle and whimpers, but stops once the car starts moving again.
- She gets really fussy when her sleep is interrupted.
- Her bedtime is 11pm and she wakes up at 7:30am for a diaper change and nursing.
- It takes about 30 minutes to finish nursing Maddy, and she eats about every 2 hours when she's awake. It is seldom that she drinks from the bottle, and we've tried everything!
- Maddy is awake for a longer period of time during the day. She'll take a 15-20 minute catnap and then she's energized again for a good 3 hours. Playing with her keeps me away from finishing house chores.
- It's a good thing Maddy likes both the Baby Bjorn and the Ergo baby carrier. I can chop a few veggies and get some light cleaning done in the house while she's in her Ergo. Erwil can get some work done on the computer while she's in the Bjorn.
- She's starting to not mind wearing hats and headbands. She used to fuss and cry whenever we put hair accessories on her, but now she's okay with it.
- Maddy enjoys playing the "Who Loves You?" tickling game. Basically, we ask her "Who loves you?" and tickle her tummy when we answer "Mommy", "Grandma", "Jesus", "Ninong Noel", "Chewie", etc. We name every family member's name so that she can get used to recognizing them and learning how to call them by name. We have a huge family, so she'll need a lot of help remembering everyone by name.
- Maddy loves dancing to "Old MacDonald" on YouTube because of the repetition.
On Thursday, Maddy will have her 3 month appointment with Dr. Pang. We'll find out how she is growing.
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