It's Mothers Day 2010. This is the first time I got to celebrate and be greeted a "Happy Mother's Day" by family and friends. There are not enough words to express how thankful I am to have Maddy in my life!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
These Are The Times That Make Me Smile
It's Mothers Day 2010. This is the first time I got to celebrate and be greeted a "Happy Mother's Day" by family and friends. There are not enough words to express how thankful I am to have Maddy in my life!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Baby, Tell Me What's On Your Mind
What's a mom to do with her baby daughter during the time she's awake? I was introduced to Baby Signing Time by one of my teacher friends. I looked at the website and sampled the preview videos. I loved it! The DVD's are fun, multi-sensory and the songs are so catchy.
I know that TV viewing is not at all recommended for children under the age of 2. TV is everywhere nowadays, and it's really difficult for me to stay a purist about being the anti-TV parent, so I let Maddy watch some TV. I break up the show in smaller segments and carefully show the segments over the time period of a day. I don't just sit her directly in front of our TV and walk away either. I'm there sitting and interacting with her while she's watching TV. Most of the time Maddy and I are playing while she's on tummy time and she gets a lot of books read to her. Watching Baby Signing Time is a treat for her, like cake after a meal.
There are a variety of packages, but the package that I ordered from the company comes with music CD's and signing flashcards to test our memory too. The music CD's however, I play more often because I really like the music. This is a real great time for me to play while I sing with with Maddy. You already know that I love singing, and I now I'm learning something new with Maddy.
On Sunday, we gave it a test-run at Lolo and Lola's house*. Maddy was being really fussy at my parent's house. So we had to take out Maddy's Baby Signing Time DVD, and she calmed down right away. She sat with her dad and watched the words come on the screen. Erwil was helping her make the gestures and she would smile each time. My parents thought that you only teach sign language to people who are deaf or mute. They also thought that if a baby learns sign language, it will not encourage the child to learn how to speak. The contrary is actually true. Babies who learn how to communicate through sign language benefit psychologically, emotionally and socially.
We want Maddy to learn a 2nd language, but we're not too sure if she'll pick up Tagalog very easily since Erwil doesn't speak or understand it. Tagalog is not so easy to implement in our home. Even both grandmas and grandpas automatically speak to Maddy in English and we always have to remind them to talk to her in Tagalog. Perhaps if she learns sign language as her 2nd language, we hope the transfer to a 3rd language will make more sense to her. Maybe sign language will be more practical method for our family to learn how to communicate with Maddy.
I ordered the Baby Signing Time full collection package after being convinced that sign language is something that Maddy, Erwil and I can learn as a family. We know that Maddy's only nearing 4 months and still in her pre-verbal stages, but hopefully if we're consistent we'll see her pick up some way to communicate to us other than her smiling and crying to express herself.
(* Whenever we say Lolo and Lola, we are referring to the grandparents from Maddy's Genuino side. When we say Grandpa and Grandpa, we are referring to the grandparents from Maddy's Untalan side.)
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
To Work or Not To Work?
I've been on maternity leave and family leave since December 18, 2009. I've been a displaced teacher since October 2009 because of my seniority status at my current school site. It was a wonderful situation for my pregnancy, all things considered.
It has been a long time since I had a work routine. I recall waking up at 5:30am, warm shower, wardrobe and makeup session, eat breakfast in the car while I'm commuting to work and listening to Christian talk radio, KFSH or Ryan Seacrest in the morning. If I was really dragging myself to work, I'd stop by 7 Eleven to grab coffee creamed with French Vanilla fanciness. It was a routine that I've been used to since I started working for LAUSD back in 2001. Those mornings were the only time during the day when I scheduled in my two hours worth of uninterrupted "me" time in solace and reflection. Those were the days. Please let me emphasize the word "were".
The thought of going back to work full-time has been looming over me since I submitted my "Certificate to Return From Leave" affidavit. I just turned it in last week, although I've had that form since December 2009. I've been procrastinating about turning it in to the District. Why am I feeling so mixed-minded about returning back to work as a teacher? Maybe I am uncomfortable with this unsettled feeling, because it has to deal with re-inventing myself and changing my long-lived routine. Maybe I'm trying to do what is best for our family at this moment.
I'm very much torn between two great opportunities, neither of which are mediocre endeavors. I feel that a whole part of me wants to stay home to focus on taking better care of Erwil, Maddy, and our home. Be a good wife, be a good mom, and maintain a solid household. The other part of me wants to become Super Mom and maintain my career on top of everything else. Why not? So many women out there are able to juggle their time with their family and still manage a successful teaching career. I know that God sustains so many teacher mommies who have a real gift to not only raise their own children, but also be a mother-figure to other children. To me, that is an amazing accomplishment. I can only imagine, what energy and what love would it require each day from one to handle both so well? Would I be willing to do the same?
The reason why I'm so torn about going back to work is because I just know how I am as a teacher. Much to my surprise, I learned that being a teacher is so much like being an owner of a franchise business. You get back what you invest into it. You reap what you sow. The only difference is that you start from scratch every September. I love being in the classroom a little too much. There are really tough days I face, but I just love the kids. I take 3 months out of the year to dedicate to vacationing, but when the school year is in session I morph into a serious workaholic. I know how much time I spend outside of school hours just to make everything worthwhile for the students to sit inside my classroom. I know how much of my own money I spend on gathering teaching materials just to make sure I produce the results I want in my classroom. I know how dreadful those Sunday evenings can get when I stay at home the whole afternoon grading papers and organizing my work bag for the upcoming week. And yet, I can come into my classroom at 7am on Monday mornings, ready to start the day. I know I talk to Erwil non-stop about teaching, about the parents, about the students and thank goodness he still loves me despite me borderline pestering him about my life as a teacher. I don't have an "Off Button" for teaching. Is there such a thing as loving your job a little bit too much? Somebody, please help me!
I think it has to be my attitude towards working and just the very nature of my career that makes it hard to balance things out. I think I read somewhere that the teaching profession follows the highest divorce rates here in America after police officer and medical doctor, but correct me if I'm wrong. Why is it that the most service-oriented careers that get this bad reputation? Surely probably all of teachers have said to themselves, "This will never happen to me." And yet, their lives dictate a successful career in the eyes of the community, but a failed marriage or failed multiple marriages in the eyes of a spouse and children. Do I really want to be included in that statistic? Because of my teacher-mode mentality, it would be barely September and I'm already stressing out about how to make it through November's first quarter assessments just to stay on top of it all. It really kills the mood when Erwil is trying to be my romantic husband, but all I can do is vent to him about how a parent ran up to my classroom just to chew me out because I am picking on her son. It really sucks when Erwil wants to relax and watch TV with me, but I'm sitting on the other side of the living room grading a stack of essays and math tests while trying to concentrate on our favorite show. Am I trying to give Erwil my all into our marriage, or am I just giving him the scraps of me? It's my fault that I let my teaching responsibilities out-space my marital responsibilities. I try to make it up to him during the weekends, but who am I kidding? All teachers do some form of work during their weekends and summer vacations.
I married Erwil and I love him so much. Quality time is so important and it does take discipline to incorporate that in our marriage and family. I just have to find that work-life balance. Don't get me wrong, we could really use the 2nd income to build our family's empire. Who doesn't wish to live a really comfortable life and really enjoy the big world out there? Who doesn't wish to send their children off to good colleges and build a comfortable retirement plan to nest in? What supportive mom wouldn't want to be willing to pay for those pricey piano and dance lessons so that their daughters will continue to shape their innate talents? What dad wouldn't want to pay for his son's basketball shoes and team uniform so he can play for the high school varsity team? We all want that perfect house, in that perfect neighborhood, so our kids can go to that perfect school, to have the perfect life. What parent wouldn't provide for their family? The question is, what form of provision should I contribute to my own family?
Money does make dreams come true. In this slow economy, it's nice to have that 2nd income to save for the rainiest of days. It's nice to have that 2nd income so that you don't have to always respond with a "no" or "wait" to your child's wish list. But I just think that at this moment, it would be wonderful time for me to slow my teaching career down for a change so that I can really enjoy my marriage and family time with Erwil. He and I have had a talk about our financial situation and will really have to live on a budget if I decide to stay at home with Maddy and make more time for our family. Erwil has given me the green light and told me that we can manage our household expenses and still manage to save some money, should I decide to become a stay-at-home mom. We just really have to keep an even closer eye on where money is going. Maybe it's in that slowing down that will make us a different family altogether? I mean, it already has changed in the past 5 months that I've been staying home with the baby. Ironically, I find that ever since I lessened the all places that I "have to be at" and lessened the "things I really have to be doing right now" from my calendars, I really feel more well-accomplished and feel that my life is moving in a focused-forward direction. Isn't it ironic, dontcha think?
Adding to more ironies, at one point in my 3o's, I was comfortable about not having to searching for the right person to marry and content about not having kids since I have the opportunity to "raise" so many. It was fine lifestyle for me because I was happy in the Lord and happy with what I was doing for the Lord and my family. In 2007, I seriously applied to a seminary school to become full-fledged church worker. Well? Look at where I ended up. Maddy is my world now. I just finished reading the book Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp and it's so insightful. It taught me that obeying the Scriptures drive the apprehension away from the difficulties of parenting. I read so many parenting books while I was pregnant with Maddy, and the worst of them were the ones that try to pass off being "Christian". I mean, if Jesus were to visit Lighthouse Christian Bookstore or LifeWay Christian Bookstore, how would He rate what's Philippians 4:8's standard of true, noble, excellent and praiseworthy and what's decrepit garbage? I couldn't help but embrace Tripp's book because it pointed me back to the heart of God's Living Word. Of course it's written for parents who are already raising a child or multiple kids! But I even more highly recommend this book to married couples who teeter-totter ambivalently about the decision of raising children. Ted Tripp's book is probably the one of the more faith-challenging book that exists on the book stands today. Honestly, I think this book will most probably better enable them to decide once and for all if they want to be come parents in their lifetime. Adulthood calls for that maternal and paternal role in our community in some form or another because the world will never run out of children who need that, the question is just if we want to have our own kids to exercise that role at a more committed, unconditional level.
I really am so blessed to receive this wonderful calling from God to be a mom. As a parent, I have the primary responsibility to shepherd my child's entire being. I am the authority figure that God has placed in Maddy's life. It is the highest calling for a mother to sustain life inside her womb and then be able to raise that child with love. If I didn't love God and strive to have a good relationship with Him, I just wouldn't love Maddy and take on this new adventure of motherhood and parenting with so much hope and inspiration. It's this love I have for God first that is helping me embrace Maddy, even when she's being difficult.
The thought of being Maddy's first teacher and witness all of her big milestones is precious to me. Staying home to experience Maddy grow up to be who God intended for her to be is much like Jack Nicholson sitting courtside to watch the Lakers play basketball at every single game, without compromise. After working with so many children in the classroom and seeing how exciting it is for them to grow up in the 180 days I am their teacher, the last thing I want to do is sit way up at the "nosebleed" section to watch my own daughter embrace life, and most hopefully and importantly a blissful life with God. I want to be right there with her--not in a nosey-stalker-like-annoying-hellicopter mom sort of way, but as a true witness/servant to see how God's plan will unfold in His handiwork.
To work or not to work? Ever since December 18th, I've been on maternity and FMLA leave. I only have about a month left of see-sawing back and forth between returning back to work in the fall or putting in for an extension of my leave of absence. Sharon, the school manager called to tell me that my leave time expires on June 18th. I must report back to work on June 18th. On that day, I'm pretty sure my principal will ask about my future plans because he wants to know where and how I will be utilized for next school year. Am I going to be ready for that day to answer these tough final decision-making questions that new mothers make?
It has been a long time since I had a work routine. I recall waking up at 5:30am, warm shower, wardrobe and makeup session, eat breakfast in the car while I'm commuting to work and listening to Christian talk radio, KFSH or Ryan Seacrest in the morning. If I was really dragging myself to work, I'd stop by 7 Eleven to grab coffee creamed with French Vanilla fanciness. It was a routine that I've been used to since I started working for LAUSD back in 2001. Those mornings were the only time during the day when I scheduled in my two hours worth of uninterrupted "me" time in solace and reflection. Those were the days. Please let me emphasize the word "were".
The thought of going back to work full-time has been looming over me since I submitted my "Certificate to Return From Leave" affidavit. I just turned it in last week, although I've had that form since December 2009. I've been procrastinating about turning it in to the District. Why am I feeling so mixed-minded about returning back to work as a teacher? Maybe I am uncomfortable with this unsettled feeling, because it has to deal with re-inventing myself and changing my long-lived routine. Maybe I'm trying to do what is best for our family at this moment.
I'm very much torn between two great opportunities, neither of which are mediocre endeavors. I feel that a whole part of me wants to stay home to focus on taking better care of Erwil, Maddy, and our home. Be a good wife, be a good mom, and maintain a solid household. The other part of me wants to become Super Mom and maintain my career on top of everything else. Why not? So many women out there are able to juggle their time with their family and still manage a successful teaching career. I know that God sustains so many teacher mommies who have a real gift to not only raise their own children, but also be a mother-figure to other children. To me, that is an amazing accomplishment. I can only imagine, what energy and what love would it require each day from one to handle both so well? Would I be willing to do the same?
The reason why I'm so torn about going back to work is because I just know how I am as a teacher. Much to my surprise, I learned that being a teacher is so much like being an owner of a franchise business. You get back what you invest into it. You reap what you sow. The only difference is that you start from scratch every September. I love being in the classroom a little too much. There are really tough days I face, but I just love the kids. I take 3 months out of the year to dedicate to vacationing, but when the school year is in session I morph into a serious workaholic. I know how much time I spend outside of school hours just to make everything worthwhile for the students to sit inside my classroom. I know how much of my own money I spend on gathering teaching materials just to make sure I produce the results I want in my classroom. I know how dreadful those Sunday evenings can get when I stay at home the whole afternoon grading papers and organizing my work bag for the upcoming week. And yet, I can come into my classroom at 7am on Monday mornings, ready to start the day. I know I talk to Erwil non-stop about teaching, about the parents, about the students and thank goodness he still loves me despite me borderline pestering him about my life as a teacher. I don't have an "Off Button" for teaching. Is there such a thing as loving your job a little bit too much? Somebody, please help me!
I think it has to be my attitude towards working and just the very nature of my career that makes it hard to balance things out. I think I read somewhere that the teaching profession follows the highest divorce rates here in America after police officer and medical doctor, but correct me if I'm wrong. Why is it that the most service-oriented careers that get this bad reputation? Surely probably all of teachers have said to themselves, "This will never happen to me." And yet, their lives dictate a successful career in the eyes of the community, but a failed marriage or failed multiple marriages in the eyes of a spouse and children. Do I really want to be included in that statistic? Because of my teacher-mode mentality, it would be barely September and I'm already stressing out about how to make it through November's first quarter assessments just to stay on top of it all. It really kills the mood when Erwil is trying to be my romantic husband, but all I can do is vent to him about how a parent ran up to my classroom just to chew me out because I am picking on her son. It really sucks when Erwil wants to relax and watch TV with me, but I'm sitting on the other side of the living room grading a stack of essays and math tests while trying to concentrate on our favorite show. Am I trying to give Erwil my all into our marriage, or am I just giving him the scraps of me? It's my fault that I let my teaching responsibilities out-space my marital responsibilities. I try to make it up to him during the weekends, but who am I kidding? All teachers do some form of work during their weekends and summer vacations.
I married Erwil and I love him so much. Quality time is so important and it does take discipline to incorporate that in our marriage and family. I just have to find that work-life balance. Don't get me wrong, we could really use the 2nd income to build our family's empire. Who doesn't wish to live a really comfortable life and really enjoy the big world out there? Who doesn't wish to send their children off to good colleges and build a comfortable retirement plan to nest in? What supportive mom wouldn't want to be willing to pay for those pricey piano and dance lessons so that their daughters will continue to shape their innate talents? What dad wouldn't want to pay for his son's basketball shoes and team uniform so he can play for the high school varsity team? We all want that perfect house, in that perfect neighborhood, so our kids can go to that perfect school, to have the perfect life. What parent wouldn't provide for their family? The question is, what form of provision should I contribute to my own family?
Money does make dreams come true. In this slow economy, it's nice to have that 2nd income to save for the rainiest of days. It's nice to have that 2nd income so that you don't have to always respond with a "no" or "wait" to your child's wish list. But I just think that at this moment, it would be wonderful time for me to slow my teaching career down for a change so that I can really enjoy my marriage and family time with Erwil. He and I have had a talk about our financial situation and will really have to live on a budget if I decide to stay at home with Maddy and make more time for our family. Erwil has given me the green light and told me that we can manage our household expenses and still manage to save some money, should I decide to become a stay-at-home mom. We just really have to keep an even closer eye on where money is going. Maybe it's in that slowing down that will make us a different family altogether? I mean, it already has changed in the past 5 months that I've been staying home with the baby. Ironically, I find that ever since I lessened the all places that I "have to be at" and lessened the "things I really have to be doing right now" from my calendars, I really feel more well-accomplished and feel that my life is moving in a focused-forward direction. Isn't it ironic, dontcha think?
Adding to more ironies, at one point in my 3o's, I was comfortable about not having to searching for the right person to marry and content about not having kids since I have the opportunity to "raise" so many. It was fine lifestyle for me because I was happy in the Lord and happy with what I was doing for the Lord and my family. In 2007, I seriously applied to a seminary school to become full-fledged church worker. Well? Look at where I ended up. Maddy is my world now. I just finished reading the book Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp and it's so insightful. It taught me that obeying the Scriptures drive the apprehension away from the difficulties of parenting. I read so many parenting books while I was pregnant with Maddy, and the worst of them were the ones that try to pass off being "Christian". I mean, if Jesus were to visit Lighthouse Christian Bookstore or LifeWay Christian Bookstore, how would He rate what's Philippians 4:8's standard of true, noble, excellent and praiseworthy and what's decrepit garbage? I couldn't help but embrace Tripp's book because it pointed me back to the heart of God's Living Word. Of course it's written for parents who are already raising a child or multiple kids! But I even more highly recommend this book to married couples who teeter-totter ambivalently about the decision of raising children. Ted Tripp's book is probably the one of the more faith-challenging book that exists on the book stands today. Honestly, I think this book will most probably better enable them to decide once and for all if they want to be come parents in their lifetime. Adulthood calls for that maternal and paternal role in our community in some form or another because the world will never run out of children who need that, the question is just if we want to have our own kids to exercise that role at a more committed, unconditional level.
I really am so blessed to receive this wonderful calling from God to be a mom. As a parent, I have the primary responsibility to shepherd my child's entire being. I am the authority figure that God has placed in Maddy's life. It is the highest calling for a mother to sustain life inside her womb and then be able to raise that child with love. If I didn't love God and strive to have a good relationship with Him, I just wouldn't love Maddy and take on this new adventure of motherhood and parenting with so much hope and inspiration. It's this love I have for God first that is helping me embrace Maddy, even when she's being difficult.
The thought of being Maddy's first teacher and witness all of her big milestones is precious to me. Staying home to experience Maddy grow up to be who God intended for her to be is much like Jack Nicholson sitting courtside to watch the Lakers play basketball at every single game, without compromise. After working with so many children in the classroom and seeing how exciting it is for them to grow up in the 180 days I am their teacher, the last thing I want to do is sit way up at the "nosebleed" section to watch my own daughter embrace life, and most hopefully and importantly a blissful life with God. I want to be right there with her--not in a nosey-stalker-like-annoying-hellicopter mom sort of way, but as a true witness/servant to see how God's plan will unfold in His handiwork.
To work or not to work? Ever since December 18th, I've been on maternity and FMLA leave. I only have about a month left of see-sawing back and forth between returning back to work in the fall or putting in for an extension of my leave of absence. Sharon, the school manager called to tell me that my leave time expires on June 18th. I must report back to work on June 18th. On that day, I'm pretty sure my principal will ask about my future plans because he wants to know where and how I will be utilized for next school year. Am I going to be ready for that day to answer these tough final decision-making questions that new mothers make?
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